A YES is Born
It was 157 years ago.
Precisely.
I remember where I was sitting in the room.
Brand spanking new in 12 Step program, I was nibbling my lower lip into a state of discomfort.
Who were all these people?
I fussed to myself.
Certainly, this moment was not about me.
This moment seemed to be about everybody and everything else.
I had bottomed out on drugs and alcohol a few weeks before.
Literally, I had nowhere else to go.
Somehow, somewhere in me, I knew this was the only place to be.
Life was—shaky—at best.
Outside of my fog, I become aware of a voice.
Oh.
It was that damn woman who always looked so comfortable,
Wearing that great denim jacket,
She was sharing,
Again.
Her voice was loud, clear, annoyingly concise:
“And in the morning,
As part of my prayer practice,
I thank my Higher Power for whatever might happen in that day.”
Her voice trailed off into a spiritual lingering, one I knew I could never obtain.
I secretly hated her for that and became incrementally more miserable.
Interesting now that I wasn’t drinking or drugging, these things called feelings periodically galloped into my awareness.
These words, her words awakened me from my fuzzy emotional slumber.
Who does she think she is…
I fumed,
Silently, of course.
That’s ridiculous.
Gratitude for what hasn’t happened yet?
That’s—stupid.
What if shitty things happen?
I fumed and fussed myself through the meeting,
Not hearing another word.
Angry at her.
Angry at them.
Angry, perhaps, at myself?
Then, dear friends,
The Miracle.
New behavior emerged.
Not my idea
But…
After the meeting ended,
I found myself walking toward her.
Miracle #1.
She was surrounded by a bunch of spiritual groupies.
But I stayed.
I waited,
Which was certainly Miracle #2.
This was the first time I talked to anybody at a meeting.
She swiveled and turned toward me,
Her eyes were green and frighteningly clear.
She presence was confusingly compelling.
Miracle #3.
I stayed.
I met her eyes.
Sweaty under my pea jacket,
Worn to hide my body from any potential visual intrusion from a 12 Step meeting,
I stammered.
Hi, I said once.
Then I heard myself say it again,
Hi.
Shit, I’m a moron, I thought.
Ummmm.
Somehow I found words.
I said:
What did you say?
Did you say,
You THANK GOD for what hasn’t happened yet?
Did you say THAT?
YES, she said,
YES, I practice that.
She continued talking.
I couldn’t hold on to any of her words,
None of her logic,
Her understanding of it.
But it was the YES
That I heard.
It was the YES
That lived with me.
I left that meeting.
Miracle number 9,763,
I kept going back.
And somehow, I remembered
Not her sparkling green eyes
(Yet here I am, decades later, talking about it, oops),
But I remembered THE YES.
YES, we can be grateful for the day that is coming.
YES, we can be uncertain about what might happen.
YES, we know shitty things surely happen.
YES, we can offer thanks before the day unfolds.
YES, we know gratitude opens the door to humility.
YES, we know humility opens the door to Grace.
YES, we can have gratitude for all.
YES, eventually.
YES, inevitably.
I thought my job as an “adult” (using the term loosely here)
Was to make sure no bad things happen,
To control reality so shit didn’t happen.
Good luck with that.
It didn’t work.
It only made me run faster away from everyone,
Drink more,
Drug more,
Trying to keep ahead of life?
What’s the cost of that?
No life.
THE YES stayed with me.
I don’t know the time frame,
I don’t know
When it happened…
But eventually, I started to experiment with this.
I started to practice.
I wrote a prayer.
I said it
In the mornings
For years.
Here it is:
Thank you for everything you are going to give me in this new day. I know what you are going to give me is going to be exactly what I need to get closer to You and to get closer to those parts of me that are You.
And that’s what I did.
Eventually, as prayer practices do,
It shifted.
It flowed in.
It flowed out.
Yet
THE YES remains.
~~~
Friends,
Do you practice gratitude?
What form does your practice take?
What gifts does it give you?
~~~
We are the Movers, the Shakers, the Peacemakers—
By Bob Sima
Although we don’t know each other, those of you who read this blog—although we have never sat together in the same room—although we are faceless and formless, nevertheless, we are a community of healing, a sangha.
And we are! We are the Movers! The Shakers! We are the Peacemakers. That’s what we are doing, reading these blogs. Looking for peace. Finding peace. Losing peace, practicing again.
Here is Bob.
Please enjoy this song:
~~~
Friends,
May we be present.
May we be whole.
May we ride the waves of our lives.
May we live in peace,
No matter what
We are given.
May all beings benefit from our time together.
Stay blessed,
Aruni
~~~
Thanks for passing this on:
“For everything we’ve been given, may we be grateful.
For everything that’s been taken, may we be awakened.”
If you carry an ache, you have a place here. My program, Grief, Loss & Renewal, offers a weekend of healing and unconditional support (Dec 5-7), based on the compassionate Path of Love.
Let wise hope live in your heart.