If you are practicing mindfulness, you can be sure of one thing.  (Are you ready? This is slightly depressing.) You will notice all the ways that you are not mindful!  This means that your practice is actually working.

I insist that you go back and read that paragraph again.  Breathe into it. Only one simple conclusion can be drawn from all of this, which has been an ongoing theme these past weeks; life is ridiculous!  

Wouldn’t you think, once committed to a practice, we would see and celebrate the “successes”, the lovely and harmonious results of our hard-earned commitment?  Nope—we see all sides of successes. We see the authenticity of practice, which is the gift of remembering along with the gift of forgetting. Forgetting is the greatest and most profound success of all—to notice the lapses without judgment.  This literally is the doorway to change. It just doesn’t always feel that way.

I believe we are wired (I surely am), that once committed, we believe our lives should be filled with a whole lot of “om shanti’s”, bliss and grace and freedom from struggle.  I believe we are wired to believe that, once committed, we lock in the “remembering” (I got it!  I’m doing it!  I’m mindful—or, fill in the blank—I’m not eating sugar—I’m getting to yoga class—whatever it is for you.)

Nope.  I don’t think so.

We remember.  We forget. And is in the forgetting, that the most profound door to practice opens—to simply begin again, in the words of Jack Kornfeld.

To simply begin again.

I’ve had some leakage this week.  Literal leakage. Housing leakage.  Water dripping. Ceiling soggy. Floor slippery.  Sheetrock buckling. My intention has been to trust the process, to know this is not a life-threatening disease, this leakage experience/opportunity.  This will get fixed, this is getting fixed, I will not sleep on a park bench, etc. And most of the time, I can relax into that trust. Except when I can’t.  And then, I get frightened and jumpy and anxious and it feels like I am leaking. It literally feels as if I will die from my personal leaking.

Trusting life is my core practice.  I do not want to live in the fear and anxiety of my earlier years, in which there were plenty of moments when my own beliefs and behavior blocked me from grace and support.  And yet, as I look with neutrality at my sober life, clearly, in every single moment, there is a flow of positive life energy, no matter what is happening. Aruni is not in charge. Evidence-based data from my life tells me that I am safe, that this situation will resolve, that all is indeed well in the Land of Leakage.

Things will work out—they always have.

I am choosing, with you all as my witnesses, to Trust the Leaking.  I am committing to feel my anxiety about it, to breathe into my fear of it, and to have a fantastic life NO MATTER WHAT.  

A fantastic day.  

A fantastic moment.  

Practice changes the brain, the body, and behavior.  I choose to take action, to make appropriate leakage decisions, and yet, to have a fantastic moment, nevertheless.  It is not worth the cost of my serenity or my enjoyment; it is not worth the cost of diminishing the joy I have been given.  

Here is my prayer for us, today:

To embrace our humanity.
To bestow upon ourselves full permission to be human.
To lean in the direction we choose to live, rooted in radical acceptance of ourselves.
To enjoy this almost Indian summer day, no matter what we are given.
To practice being right here, right now, with life as it is.
To practice being right here, right now, with ourselves as we are!

And to seal our prayer, here are the blessings of George Harrison.  I’ve been playing My Sweet Lord over and over—how I love this song!—and it really softens my heart.  Check it out.

Best,
Aruni

aruni@rnetworx.com

I participate in my own oppression by expecting myself to be different, more evolved, more “healed.”

Mostly I don’t do this; except when, of course, I do.

I participate in my own oppression by worrying about what isn’t happening.

I do this much less; except, of course, when I do it.

I participate in my own oppression by imagining the worst about me, about you, and us; mostly, I don’t go there.  Sometimes, I do make tiny visits to those thoughts.

I participate in my own oppression by making do, rather than going for the gold, which for me is joy and pleasure.  I’m currently working on this one—will keep you posted.

I participate in my own oppression by allowing my mind to run the show, by handing the car keys over to the ten-year-old rebel in me, who wants to screech through Berkshire County, causing chaos.  Mostly, the adult that I am drives the car, determines the direction, the course, the speed. But not always.

Sometimes the untamed kid is driving.

I continue to participate in my own oppression, even though I have been sober and clean for a while now, even though I have been on this yogic path for a damn long time, too.  This human dilemma is remarkable to me; we long for what isn’t real, we expect so much from ourselves, we push against reality, we ignore our bodies, we listen to the wild minds that plague us, we are driven by the hungry ghosts that haunt us.

Welcome to the human dilemma.

Many years ago, in the early ‘90’s, I created a program with my Kripalu colleagues and friends, Steve Cope and Adam Mastoon, that we instantly named The Yoga of Recovery.  I was mesmerized by interplay, the parallels between yogic philosophy, thousands of years old, and the principles of 12 Step Recovery programs, created in the 1930’s.  Remarkably, I found, these two systems so support each other, so mirror each other, so supplement each other. I have spent these passing decades since investigating, exploring, wandering through the worlds of 12 Step Recovery and Living Yoga.

I’ve taught this program consistently throughout these years.

The Yoga of Recovery lives.

I live this program.  Of all the things I teach, this is home-base for me.

I believe that all habitual thought, all negative thinking, any compulsive pattern can be attended to, through radical compassion and the right use of will.

I believe that these practices change the brain, the body, and behavior.

I believe that through the wisdom of body-centered practices and principles of recovery, we can choose our behavior and live into who we want to be.

I believe that we can create sustainable strategies to quiet our minds, to realign our actions, and to lean in the direction in which we choose to live.

I absolutely believe these things.

What profound promises!  What hope, what possibility exists for us all.

What about you?  

Dear readers, how do you participate in your own oppression?

Do you have negative self-thoughts?

Do you try to control the behavior of others?  (Good luck with this, fyi…)

Does choice slip away from you with substances like wine, food, chocolate, or sugar?  Do they run the show and make decisions for you? Do find yourself in habitual, unchanging behavior with substances?

If any of these mirrors reflect you, please consider coming to Kripalu and taking The Yoga of Recovery with me, November 9-11th.  I am positive that the space we will create through our intentionality and purpose will carry us closer to ourselves, to one another, and to the ways in which we choose to live.

Click Here for The Yoga of Recovery 

What is my plan for this day, this day of changing light and morphing trees, of wild, kamikaze squirrels and soft grey skies?

• To relax into whatever I am feeling—as best I can.
• To move my body through this autumn moment with purposeful kindness—as best I can.
• To open my eyes and my heart to what is—as best I can.
• To remember that it is all Grace—as best I can.
• To allow myself to be exactly where I am—
• As best I can.

And you, dear readers?  What are your intentions for this autumn moment?  And please do pass on this invitation to The Yoga of Recovery to anybody in your world who might benefit.  Keep in touch! Hearing from you all is a blessing. I am aruni@rnetworx.com.

All blessings,
Aruni

As relentless and rigorous as reality is, there is an inherent generosity in its flow which is ridiculously remarkable.  

What a ponderous and vague sentence that is for this late in the evening, Aruni!

Oh, dear readers, can I possibly keep this simple?

I’ve learned a lot in these past few weeks, and the Jewish High Holidays have been the backdrop for my insights.

In these ten days, during the profound journey we Jews take from Rosh Hashana, the New Year, to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, these Days of Awe have offered me much reflection.  Heightened by the transition I find myself in (it’s all good, my friends—I am fine!), I have learned so much, simply walking day to day in the footsteps of the directives of these profound holidays.

My first reflection was about the nature of my sins, as these Holy Days ask us to do.  That s-word has been such a hideous sticking point for me in the past. With its echoes of some medieval concept of right/wrong/good/bad, I, the aging hippy/new-age-seeker felt abused by the term and, for years, I was frozen in my own mental construct about it.  

As I have slowly grown up and out of my own way (funny how my own concepts can keep me blocked!), I am now able to envision sin as a leaning away from my true nature, a turning away from that which is in alignment, that which is holy, that which is whole.

This reframe alone is a victory, right?

Secondly, as Gestalt therapy tells us, I remembered again that awareness is the cure.  Becoming aware of our sins, the arenas in which we were out of alignment with Truth during the past year, opens the doorway to transformation. Similarly, in yoga, therapy, and Jewish liturgy, noticing with compassion connects us to divine possibility for change.

That’s remarkably generous, right?  

And finally, the formula is clear; to repent, to be rewritten in that Book of Life, all we need do is lean in the opposite direction, to try again, to be willing to practice living in alignment, with compassion toward ourselves and others.

You guys, this is a bargain!

What a miracle.  What a simple, generous request life asks of us.

Life does not ask us to get it right, but to practice!

To simply lean back toward Grace, toward Truth, toward Alignment.

Turning back to Wholeness.

That’s a pretty good deal, no?

Realizing that my disconnection from my heart and my own needs was not a mistake, but a step in my development—honoring and beginning to listen to my longing, with compassion for myself and others, I am realigned!

Here is my uber-secularized mapping of this process, from this aging hippy ‘s heart to yours:

• In the past year, what actions did you take that were connected, useful, and part of the Solution? Consider a few. Breathe.

• In the past year, what actions did you take that were less than clear, less than helpful, out of alignment with who you know yourself to truly be? Consider a few. Breathe.

• What steps are you willing to take (keep it super-simple!), to lean in the opposite direction?  Breathe.

Presto!  You are rewritten in the Book of Life.  Life, in its kindness, is generously offering you a do-over, a chance to try this old human tap-dance once again.

Again and again, we get to practice.

Again and again, we get to muck our way through the human dilemma.

Again and again, we are offered wild forgiveness, massive compassion, and the giant thumbs up from the universe.

What a deal.

Dear Friends, let us enjoy the unfolding of these late September days.  Let us watch their moments flow like water through our fingers. Let us befriend our human foibles, as we lean toward the divinity that we are with effortless patience and grand possibility.  Let us relax into our precious, precious bodies.

Let’s allow it to be easy.

And please do keep in touch.  I am aruni@rnetworx.com.
All blessings,
Aruni

Being Human is Some Wacky Shit!

(cursing apologies—couldn’t help it)

Right?  

How is your humanity unfolding these days, anyway?

Mine is finding her way, thank you very much, almost in spite of me.

In spite of me and because of me, I am moving forward.

Whose idea was this, this human/and/divine/wrapped/in/a/body/paradigm?  

Think about this; the wisdom traditions tell us that our innate condition is an ultimate and effortless balance between body, mind, and spirit.  We are a temple of divinity; we are already home. That is our true nature, connected to All. Finished. Done. Completed. Our minds and our bodies are there to house, to support, to collaborate with that energy of Grace.  Sounds good, right?

However (here comes the human dilemma, folks!), our minds simply get out of balance.  They take over. Period. We give the car keys to our wild minds, to drive us, careening through life, screeching our way along highways and byways of experience.

Our connection to our body becomes a whisper, our connection to our hearts, hardly a murmur.

We barrel through life, divesting partnership with the wisest, the clearest heart and the deepest, the most connected body.  We look to our minds alone. Often, that imbalance causes havoc.

Do you identify with that?  Could we not spend the next month talking about each of our individual and unique havoc-filled-experiences?  Let’s not.

For a thousand reasons, life has requested, at my unlikely age and through the oddest of circumstances, that I listen more carefully to my body and quiet down enough to hear the longing of my heart.  

And everything changed!  Last week’s disorientation has become this week’s reorientation, a shifting of direction, of changing my focus, my direction.  By allowing the breakdown, the disorientation, the renewal emerges.

Which is exactly what I want to talk about:  PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN.

Making our busy minds wrong?  Part of the problem.

Forcing ourselves to change?  Good luck with that.

Trying to override our foibles and quiet them down?  Ha. They will always win, if we fight against them. But, softening into, leaning toward, accepting—that changes everything.

I truly believe that fear is as sacred as faith, and vitally and inevitably essential for the evolution of our faith.

I truly believe that our depression, our heavy-heartedness is as sacred as our vitality, and vitally and inevitably essential for the evolution of that very vitality.

The very things we have been running from are truly the key to more passion, more energy, more possibility.

Springboard Question:

• What are you going to do today, TODAY, perhaps now, RIGHT NOW, to bless yourself with the permission to be human?

Options for Practice:

• Put down whatever you are doing and take in three long breaths of compassion for yourself.
• Hug a dog, a kitty, a person, yourself.  Feel yourself hugging.
• Give yourself the gift of a bath.  Bless your body.
• Walk and move that precious body.  Feel the movement—breath into it.
• Offer yourself gratitude, blessings, a hand on your heart, a breath into your belly.

Dear Friends, nobody is going to train your mind for you but you.  By leaning toward self-compassion, by imagining self-acceptance, by practicing permission to be human, by giving yourself a break, knowing that you are doing as well as you can—everything becomes possible.

All transformation becomes possible.

Please keep in touch, everybody.  I am aruni@rnetworx.com

May your September moment be one of grace and ease.

All blessings,
Aruni