Signed, Your Friend Aruni
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I understand a lot about You
Sometimes I can be with You, comfortably, calmly, ease-fully.
And sometimes I can’t.
I understand, Life, that you give me exactly what I need to grow.
I understand that the gifts you give me are sometimes wrapped in strange packages
Sometimes they do NOT look like gifts.
They are, inevitably.
I get that.
I still don’t necessarily like it.
At least, not today.
The past few days have sucked.
I don’t know why.
Wait. Yes, of course I do.
I want IT to be different.
I want ______ to happen,
And _______, its opposite, is actually happening.
I want _______ (fill in name of person) to act like __________,
And that person is acting like __________ (pretty much, the opposite.)
Hum. Sounds like You, Life, are happening.
I choose to feel full and happy and joyous and free.
And I sometimes do.
Sometimes I do.
Except when I don’t.
These days, I feel tender
And lonely and wanting.
Life feels fraught—
a situation or course of action filled with or destined to result in something undesirable.)
Let me just say:
AND I HAVE A FANTASTIC LIFE.
I am privileged
And I am blessed
And I am sober
And I have
I could ever need.
It feels hard.
One line in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous zoomed into my heart.
“You will not always be inspired.”
I thought the plan was, to always, ALWAYS feel inspired.
And that my job was to make sure that happens.
Do you want to live in faith?
Then, cozy up to your fear.
Do you want to choose trust and openness?
Then, befriend your cautiousness and constriction.
I get it.
All of it.
Thank you and
Your friend, Aruni
The lovely poet, Ellen Bass, says it in her amazing poem, The Thing Is:
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you down like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
Kripalu Center reopens on August 19, 2021. Nothing short of miraculous, from zero to 75 mph., we go! With fingers crossed and with hearts open, the doors open to you, our family, to you, our guests, to you, our friends, old friends and friends yet made.
At this moment on my path, as Legacy Faculty/old person, I feel committed to remind all of us about the history of Kripalu. We are a lineage. We did not make this stuff up yesterday.
This iteration of Kripalu stands on the shoulders of brilliant, brave, extraordinary people.
Here is a beautiful and accurate 20-minute video about the life of Urmilla Desai, Gurudev’s wife. I’m grateful to offer this gift to you. Thanks to Kamini and Mali Desai.
Cliff Notes/ Folks you will meet:
- Swami Kripalu, also called Bapuji, renunciate and swami, spiritual leader of thousands
- Amrit Desai, also called Gurudev, a close disciple of Swami Kripalu founder of Kripalu Center
- Urmilla Desai, also called Mataji, Gurudev’s wife
Here is more info about Kripalu’s history, with a very cool timeline.
Hey, friends, after sixteen months, I will be teaching an R&R on Saturday, August 21. Then, starting on September 9th, I’ll be teaching on Friday mornings. Here is a link to my R&R teaching schedule along with workshop titles.
Come on up and join me.
Oh, dear people,
Let’s see the beauty,
Let’s breathe through the pain.
With gratitude for your hearts—