“To See the Evil and the Good without Hiding”*
Ahhhh…season change.
Last weekend I did some hiking in the Helderberg Escarpment in New York State. Oh. The views, the vastness of the expanse. At the near-end of a remarkable foliage season, the golden yellows of the leaves were captivating in their astounding beauty.
The air was fresh.
My friends were easy and kind.
Niki the Dog was a good canine citizen among so many others,
Not always a guarantee.
It was a stunning day.
I came home feeling both emptied and filled.
Emptied of the push of the workweek.
Filled with silence and expansion.
And then the news of the world awaited me.
Ahhhhhh.
The news.
Ahhhhhh.
The world.
~~~
I’ve had a challenging month with my weekly blogs.
They have been stubborn buggers, not wanting to reveal themselves,
Constricting inward toward themselves rather than flowering open to others.
It’s been difficult writing, for the first time in…???
First time in….forever?
This sobers me.
This scares me.
This is my practice.
Writing to you—
This is my practice.
I will continue practicing.
Yet—I wonder—
And I simply exhausted in my individual dance,
My seeing both “…the evil and the good”*
Am I just exhausted,
Awed by the blessings I see around me,
The power of Kripalu’s mission,
The lovingkindness of my mutual communities?
Am I awed by all of that,
As I sit, so privileged, so blessed
In the middle of the bluest of blue worlds,
While being simultaneously pulled into the pain,
The unraveling of kindness,
The loss of humanity and caring
Around us.
The real threat of hunger hovering?
Children, people dependent on support
That is in question?
Gaza and peace that does not look like peace?
Soldiers in our cities?
Inconceivable.
And true.
Maybe I’m just tired.
~~~
Then I found this amazing version of Doctor My Eyes, such a goodie/oldie by Jackson Browne.
I’ve played it a lot this week, it has been helpful.
Please check out how Playing for Change, the brilliant collective of world-wide musicians brings to this song.
And check out Jackson.
He wrote this song in 1972.
Is that really 53 years ago?
Lyrics follow,
Worth considering.
Enjoy.
Doctor, My Eyes
By Jackson Browne, 1972:
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears, without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding’
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise
To leave them open for so long?
‘Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I’ve been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it’s later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it’s too late for me
Doctor, my eyes
But cannot see the sky
Is this the prize
For having learned how not to cry?
~~~
So how do we do this?
How do we keep our hearts open to the beauty and to the bounty,
While being in a relationship with the heartbreak, the unraveling?
I think of Joanna Macy, lifelong eco-activist, master Buddhist teacher and scholar.
In 2020, when I began a yearlong training at the Upaya Zen Center called Socially Engaged Buddhism, Joanna opened our training. Her words deeply comforted me. Here is my paraphrase:
If you are here now, you are meant to be here now.
You are alive now,
You are meant to be alive now.
Ours is to bear witness, to watch.
Perhaps it is not even to change what’s happening.
But it is and it will always be
To bear witness.
~~~
What can that look like?
How do we do this?
I say—
Let’s take good, good care of ourselves.
Let’s been kind and generous to ourselves
And to others.
Let’s keep it super-simple,
One day, one thing,
One breath at a time.
Kindness.
Super-simple.
Easy breath.
One step.
One step.
Just
One
Step
At
A
Time.
Dear Friends,
The leaves are down now,
On the ground,
Returning to the earth,
Their colors already a memory.
May we be present.
May we be whole.
May we ride the waves
Of our lives.
May we live in peace,
No matter what
We are given.
May all beings benefit from our time together.
Stay blessed,
Aruni