Hi-Ne-Ni—Here I Am
Life asks much of us.
Or so it seems.
When God told Abraham to bring his son, Issac,
For sacrifice,
Abraham said,
“Hineni.
Here I am.”
He showed up.
I might have whisked my child away.
(Aruni, where could we have hidden?
Do you think God might have, I don’t know,
Found you both?)
~~~
These past days I find myself thinking of the parents,
All parents,
Whose children,
All children,
Unlike Issac,
Have been sacrificed.
Horrifying and hideous
And
Unthinkable,
Yet—and always—
Reality wins.
We participate.
We show up.
Or not.
Regardless,
Reality
In her
Relentlessness
Decides
Our
Fate.
So it seems.
~~~
Leonard Cohen amazes me,
Now—then—always.
He released his final album, You Want It Darker, on October 21, 2016.
He died 17 days later, on November 7th,
The day before Trump was elected president.
What timing!
When I first heard this album, I was emphatic.
NO.
I said to Leonard,
DUDE,
I DO NOT WANT IT
TO BE
DARKER.
I DO NOT.
And then it got darker.
And harder.
Reality shifted.
Truth shifted.
And it continues
To get darker.
Or so it seems.
I didn’t listen to
That song for
A long time.
~~~
In his title tune, You Want It Darker, Leonard bears witness to his struggles with God and seems to reconcile his faith and his mortality.
Collaborating with the cantor and choir from his Montreal synagogue, Leonard’s song is haunting and profound. And I believe, frighteningly timely.
~~~
Okay, so it’s getting darker.
How do we be here?
What do we do?
What’s our purpose?
We are here to bear witness.
We are here to be present with.
We who are here, I believe,
Are meant to be here
For that purpose.
How are we to do that?
What does that even mean?
I don’t know.
I’ve been practicing
Bearing witness
To the War
In the same ways
I
Practice
Bearing witness
To myself.
These are the things I’ve been most imperfectly practicing:
Feeling what I feel.
Remembering to breathe.
Forgetting it pretty quickly.
Practicing coming back.
Staying current with news.
Limiting news.
Watching the faces.
Praying, as I can—
(That’s been hard which scares me.)
Being gentle with myself.
Talking to my grandmother.
Snuggling into my ancestors.
Being kind to the people around me.
Connecting in my heart with the people I don’t know.
Reaching out to people who can hear me.
Offering myself compassion, not judgment, as I walk forward, through this.
As I can.
When I can.
I am
Witnessing myself
Most imperfectly.
~~~
Here are several different resources about bearing witness, with varying perspectives. See if anything resonates for you—take what you like and leave the rest:
From Psychology Today: Read Here
From the Buddhist publication, Lions Roar: Read Here
From Doctors without Borders: Read Here
~~~
Here’s a first for me:
I’m going to end with the words of Joe Biden, from Tel Aviv, 10/18:
“May God protect those who work for peace.
God save those who are in harm’s way.”
May the merit
Of our bearing witness
Benefit all people,
Aruni