“A Duet of Wonder and Grief…”*
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So much to feel.
So much to notice.
So very much to be with.
I remember—when I got sober, a feeling was a discovery, a shocking unveiling of the moment.
Then—two feelings at once?
And then—conflicting feelings?
Sometimes the beauty and the pain of it all sweep over me.
Here’s a sunrise experience from the other day, picture above:
Early morning.
Dear, dear dawn.
The best time of all.
Walking down the road.
Nik the Dog pulling ahead,
Wonderment of smells
Filling her.
Sun hardly up,
Dawn stretching light awake.
The day breaking open.
Birds softly yet
Persistently celebrating.
Light shifting,
Brightening.
The sun
Slowly,
Finally
Creeping,
Peaking
Above the mountain.
Beaming morning light,
Directing light
Upon us.
I look to the right.
OH.
The wetland,
Awash in magical colors
Of brand-new day,
Alive with the energy
Of possibility
Of life.
My breath catches in my throat.
The stunning other-worldliness
Of beauty
Fills me.
The wonder of it.
The
Freaking
Awe
Of
This
Glorious planet
Of ours.
Our home.
~~~
And the next breath, the breath of grief.
The loss.
The unraveling of stability,
Of integrity,
Of truth.
The loss of youth,
My body hurting,
The loss of resilience,
My back denying
The invitation to stand.
Beauty and grief.
Awe and heartbreak.
Devastation and new birth.
~~~
It’s all true.
It’s all inevitable.
It’s all sacred.
~~~
Oh, dear friends, this poem, Adrift, by Mark Nepo holds it all:
This is how the heart makes a duet of
wonder and grief. The light spraying
through the lace of the fern is as delicate
as the fibers of memory forming their web
around the knot in my throat. The breeze
makes the birds move from branch to branch
as this ache makes me look for those I’ve lost
in the next room, in the next song, in the laugh
of the next stranger. In the very center, under
it all, what we have that no one can take
away and all that we’ve lost face each other.
It is there that I’m adrift, feeling punctured
by a holiness that exists inside everything.
I am so sad and everything is beautiful.
I am so sad and everything is so beautiful.
All true.
Oh, dear friends,
All true—all inevitable,
All sacred.
And we can’t have one
Without the other.
Closing one door,
Ignoring the grief,
we
Block
The beauty.
We get it all.
~~~
This music soothed me today. I’m grateful to share this music with you:
Playing for Change, Playing for Peace
>
~~~
Dear Friends,
May we abide the losses.
May we ride their waves
With body
And
Breath.
May we continue
To delight
In the glory
Of this magnificent world.
May we touch the heartbreak.
May we witness the grace.
Hand-in-hand
May we dance,
Bellies open,
Between
The
Two.
Stay blessed,
Aruni
*Adrift, by Mark Nepo