The Dance of Contradictions
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Contradiction—a person, thing, or situation in which inconsistent elements are present.
It’s all true.
It’s
All
Sacred.
It’s
All
Inevitable.
How many times in my life
Have I
Said that to you,
My dear friends?
I think,
I absolutely think
That I am
Just now
Beginning
To
Understand
This
Truth.
CONTRADICTIONS.
THEY EXIST.
Everywhere.
In everything.
In everyone.
They are
The very nature
Of life.
~~~
Meet my father,
Sidney.
Kind,
Smunchy,
Teddy-bear-like.
A sweet and good man
Without a
Mean
Cell
In
His
Body.
He was the light,
He was the play,
He was the fun,
He was the cuddle.
My mom
Held it
Together.
My dad
Let it go.
And struggled
To get it back.
CONTRADICTIONS:
He was terrified of illness
For good reason.
He had
His first heart attack.
I was in fourth grade.
The poor man
Spent his life
Fearing
Every
Symptom,
And
Lived
In
Fear.
We as a family unit
Joined
Him
In it.
Years and
Years
And
Decades
And ions
Of fear.
Fear of illness.
Fear of dying.
Fear of living.
Cosmic joke—
He lived to 81 years.
He was terrified of confrontation
For good reason.
He was terrified of differences
For good reason.
He was ridiculously self-absorbed.
For good reason.
He gave it all away.
All for good reason.
He taught me to pitch a ball.
He taught me to be afraid.
He taught me to snuggle.
He taught me how to fear others.
He taught me how to believe in myself.
Even though he didn’t believe in himself.
~~~
I had to pull away.
Of course.
Don’t we all?
I had to rail against him.
Of course.
Don’t we all?
The fear of
Losing him
Was too
Much.
For so long.
~~~
Memory:
Sitting on his lap
Probably age 4 or 5
Playing and cuddling.
He held me close
And
Whispered,
“Honey
You can do
Absolutely
Anything,
Anything
You
Want
To do.”
Who could imagine?
He was absolutely right.
He was
A good,
Good
Man
And
And
Exactly
The dad
I needed
To become
Who
I
Am.
~~~
Remembering Sidney Futuronsky
May His Memory Always Be a Blessing
February 1919– January 6, 2000
~~~
In considering the title for this blog (slightly obsessively), I came up with:
- Bearing contradictions
- Managing contradictions
- Avoiding contradictions
- Allowing contradictions
And onward, with more silliness. I settled with Dancing.
People bring us so many contradictory parts of themselves. Life brings us so many contradictions. Here’s a big one for me these days:
I am thriving.
How can that be?
Both are true.
The practice?
It is
Both simple
And profound.
Just be with what is.
It’ll come
And
It’ll go.
I have tried so hard, trying to get people to be who I want them to be.
I have tried so hard, trying to manipulate the moment to suit my intended outcome.
That is so much MORE EFFORT
And so much LESS EFFECTIVE
Then
Just
Letting it come.
And
Letting it go.
~~~
Here’s a song, not perfect, a video, not perfect. But I found it touching and got me a’thinking and a’feeling.
Here’s Yusuf/Cat Stevens.
~~~
Dear Friends,
Be safe,
Be well.
Ride those
Waves.
Keep it simple.
Do your best.
Give it back.
All Blessings,
Aruni