With Wisdom & Compassion

It is said that the lotus flower 
will not grow in pure water
 and 
can only bloom 
when fed by the mud of decay.  

So too 
our collective trauma, 
brokenness, 
delusions, 
moral suffering, 
and 
pain 
can, 
ironically,
 be the very means for our awakening. 

Each day, let us awaken 
to transform ourselves, 
our communities, 
our nation, 
and our world 
with wisdom and compassion.

–Roshi Joan Halifax

~~~
Dear Friends, howdy.

I have a big toe issue.
It’s a long, boring, and somewhat embarrassing story.
Let me back up.
Truthfully, I have two big toe issues.
Both boring.
One comes out of a 40 year-ago drunken and stoned cross-country skiing adventure, unfortunately the events did not unfold as adventurous.     
The other toe?  She comes out of 70+ years of walking around on this planet.
The newer of the two issues, the apparent unbroken toe, today seems to be the most damaged. 
During lockdown, my “healthy” big toe started aching
And stabbing
And burning
And flaring up
Only to repeat the cycle again.
The weight of my top sheet was too much.
I did my best to ignore it, clearly an inherited Futuronsky response to physical pain.      
Well, a response to any pain.
Finally, after months of attempting to snub the pain, I went to a doctor.
Did you know that the number of broken toes during COVID lockdown doubled and quadrupled, according to some doctors?
I found it hard to believe that I injured my toe while being home.
He pointed to the x-ray—clearly there was a broken bone in my foot.
Eventually I went to another doctor.
And another.
X-rays, MRI—all good steps, all coming out of denial.
Coming out of denial.
That is my point, in this over-personalized ramble:

My point is this—I really worked hard at pushing away the pain.
Pushing away pain, not a helpful paradigm!

Check out what Roshi Joan is saying here—she is literally telling us that, like the lotus, we need our suffering.
We need NOT to ignore it.
We need to go to it, to dive into it, 
To befriend it—
To befriend
The angst, the heartbreak, the brokenness.  
In order
To become who we really are.

We must practice witnessing our own suffering to be able to be there for one another’s.

All I really want,
Truly and deeply—
Is to do my best
And
To make a difference.

The only chance I have of living into that intention, one nanosecond at a time, one day at a time, is to feel my pain.
Be it my apparently second broken toe, 
My loneliness, my fear of aging.
All of it.

If 2020 taught us anything, isn’t it this?
But wait…

What does Roshi Joan mean by her final two words, 
How do we awaken ourselves
With wisdom and compassion?

We notice.
We attend.
We relax into.
We appreciate.
We welcome
It
Into
Our awareness.

~~~
In response to the question, how do we live with wisdom and compassion, here is Frank Ostaseski, the lovely Buddhist teacher, leading a meditation on compassion practice.  Can you offer this practice, not only to others, but most importantly, to yourself?  I invite you to spend these few minutes with Frank.