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Higher Ground

04/18/2021 by Aruni

Higher Ground
My dreams
Have
Become
Alive
With detail
And

Energy.

Last night’s dream…

I was
In school—

Most unusually,
As a student.

So many
Of us pupils
Squashed
Together,

The desks
Were
Rickety
And

Rocky.

The teacher

Was
Old
And
White
And
So

Unclear.

Sitting at her desk,

Clueless
And
So far
from

Us.

We

Students
Were
Of
All

Colors.

I was tremendously

Aware of the group,
While trying
To focus
On my

Paper.

We were

Writing
Writing
An

Essay.

I see myself:

I write

And write
Feverishly
Wanting
To
Get
It

RIGHT.

Writing

Is mine.

Talking

(then)
Was
Not

Mine.

I write the

Answer
And
The answer

Writes me.

The

Answer

Comes through me,

And I

Come through

The answer.

I

Write
Some

More.

The bell rings,

And people

Leave.

I continue

To write

And write.

I write

Till the
End

Of time.

Past

The end

Of time.

I write.

Past

The bell.

Past the

Ending.

Wanting

The

Words,

Willing

The
Writing
To
Be
RIGHT.
~~~

Privilege.

I am unable to spell that word; I must always surrender to spellcheck to do my bidding.

Interesting.

The students in my dream were mostly people of color.  Were they my former students?  The ones who taught me so much about my privilege as a white woman, coming into their neighborhood, clenching the role book close to me, my own personal protective gear, trying so hard to “connect”, getting stoned at lunchtime with the gym teacher, while zooming outta there at 2:33 p.m., after the 2:32 bell?

I did my best there, at Webster Junior High and Malcolm X Shabazz High School, in Newark, New Jersey, for almost two decades.  I did my best.

But/and…..it wasn’t until the past year’s upheaval, the exploding of every system, every institution in our culture, did my understanding of privilege deepened.

I shriveled up and died a thousand deaths during this past pandemic year, and I thrived.

I shriveled up and crumbled into a thousand deaths, and I grew and learned and ate and participated as best I could, in this, my lockdown world.

How many people lost family—jobs—income—food—hope—health—possibilities—play—schooling—socializing—kissing—holding—hugging—faces—smiles—and on and on.

And I was terrified while I thrived.

Only about 2% of the world has been vaccinated.

I am of that 2%.

How do I utilize my privilege, not sentimentally, not motivated by guilt, but TO BE USEFUL?

How do I take the next steps, to be USEFUL IN THE WORLD, not with the people who think like me, or look like me, but the people who don’t, not with the people who have the things I have, but with the people who do not?

Not with the people who share my privilege (and I do not mean to minimize our suffering, it is real), but with all the others who are hungry and unsheltered and frightened and hopeless?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

My Socially Engaged Buddhism training is opening me up

To my own not-knowing.

Where do I put that energy?

I

Don’t

Know.

Not yet.

I

Don’t
Know

Yet.

I do trust

I will be taken
To the
Higher

Ground.

And I know,

I am positive
The Higher Ground
Is
Right here
In front of me,
Not over there,

Not a fancy leap,

But here

Right

Here.

~~~

You must.  You must.  YOU MUST LISTEN.  Five minutes for your heart.

Higher Ground by Stevie Wonder, by Playing for Change/Sound around the World

~~~

Roshi Joan Halifax is my teacher and mentor at the Upaya Zen Center.  Although this Ted Talk is pre-pandemic, from a conference 100 years in 2010, Roshi, in 14 minutes, tells us so much about compassion; not sympathetic compassion, not compassion motivated by guilt, but the Higher Ground of empathy and service.  Check it out—she is wonderous. 

~~~

Share Circles

Please consider coming to our Share Circle—
It is a time to share, to listen, to be heard, to hear.  
Mindful listening is a gift for the heart.  Please join us.

 

  • Thursday, April 22, @ 2:00.  
  • http://coacharuni.com/thursdaycircles/
  • Your payment will indicate your registration.
  • Suggested payment is $12/session or $40/month.
  • PayPal link is here

~~~
Dear Friends,
Let us
Keep on trying
Till we reach
Higher
Ground.

Thank you,
Stevie Wonder.

Thank you,
All!

Stay blessed,
Aruni

 

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