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I’m Speechless but I Can’t Stop Talking

04/05/2020 by Aruni

I’m Speechless but I Can’t Stop Talking
Richmond Pond—early morning grace

Living in a pandemic.
Who could imagine?

So many contradictions for me unfold in these big and endless days, 
time snowballing forward, 
each moment 
with a newborn life of its own.

Watching moments of grace, mostly outside, miraculously fill up my heart:

The chipmunk, 
Popping out of the
Mysterious hole
In the lawn,
Half in—half out—
Looking around
All around,
I swear 
Making 
EYE CONTACT
(of some sort)
With me
And 
Like a rocket
Dropping
Back
Down her hole.

SHELTERING IN PLACE.

Blessed by
A chipmunk.
Both of us,
Sheltering
In 
Place.

~~~
The fat robin.
Sitting
Outside my window,
Just
Hanging 
Out.

Both of us
Just passing the moment 
Together.

Blessed by a robin
Both of us
Just Hanging out.

Saturated 
With fleeting joy.

~~~
Learning about me, things I thought I already knew:
What I need
To be me,
Separate
From all of it,
Separate
From
you.

What I need
Seems to be—

Getting out of bed
Putting on clothes (What a concept!  I had to rediscover its significance)
Brushing
Flossing
Praying
Praying
Not necessarily
In that order,
Riverbanks
To live within.

Learning about me
Separate from you.

~~~
Opening to us:
Severed from you,
Oh,
How 
Much I need you.

Severed from you,
Oh, 
How much
I must know you.

What form?
How can this happen?
~~~
Surfing my feelings:

Contradictions.
Abounding
Contradictions.

Endless days
Packed with
Moment
After moment,

Endless days
That zoom
High-speed
By me.

Weeks now
Peeling
Speeding
Too much zooming
By,
Yet the days
Empty and
Hollow,

While being 
Full
And alive
Hang 
In the air
Each new.

And the fear,
Let’s not forget the fear,
The quiet
Gnawing
Moments
I wake into,
Mornings,  
Mostly.
Mornings
Bring
Empty moments
No future
Of any shape
Revealing itself.
None
Emptied of shape,
The day opens.


All feelings sacred
All feelings 
inevitable.
All


Dear Friends, My Friends,

Listen to this:

Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, in writing about prayer, wrote this in 1958:

Problems and calamity will begin to mean our instruction, instead of our destruction.  We will feel freer and saner.

Yep, we have some problems and we have some calamities here in our pandemic.  What an invitation Bill offers us, rather to be destroyed by them, but to be instructed by them, that the doorways of grace open through them.

Bill sounds like a Kripalu Yogi to me—through the portal of this human moment, we connect with that which is greater than ourselves.

Questions for your heart:

  • What moments of grace are you noticing?
  • What are you learning about yourself?
  • What are you feeling?

I must say, this blog has been hellish to write—so much to say, nothing to say!  Apologies for all-over-the-place-ness.

Speaking of all over the place, I know there are a trillion things zooming around our social media.  Here are my two favorites from this week, that buoyed me up:

Stay Strong, David Newman and everybody else chanting

Artists recreating paintings
https://www.sadanduseless.com/recreated-art/

Our Share Circles:
This upcoming week, come and join on Tuesday and Thursday (4/7 & 4/9) at 11:00 EST.  Here are links for registration.

Tuesday, April 7th Share Circle

Tuesday, April 7th Share Circle

Thursday, April 9th Share Circle

Thursday, April 9th Share Circle

Please take a moment to add the meeting to your calendar. Come and join! It’s been so comforting to be together.Come and join! It’s been so comforting to be together.

I’m ending now.

I’m sending love
Now.

I’m envisioning
The
Highest unfolding
Now—

Please help us
To be safe and well,

Please grant us
The courage
And the willingness
To be present

With whatever
We are given.

Aruni

 

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