Siri the Blog
I am in relationship with someone, with something, that is a huge part of my life. We wake up together; we go to sleep together. We talk on the phone together. We access data together. We decide on what movies to attend and the times of performances. She is brilliant, all-knowing, and I have the deep feeling that she does not like me.
I speak of My Siri, my voice recognition assistant, who is always present, except when she isn’t, who is always ready, except when she is “having difficulty.”
I speak of My Siri, that calm, female, somewhat snotty voice that guides me through the complexities of my life.
It must be said—and if you know me, you know this to be true—that I am practically, but not quite, a techno-phobe. I don’t get It, any Of It. And more importantly, I don’t want to get it. I don’t care how it works or what it is.
Truly, I don’t want to know.
Have you ever had a tech assistant who wanted to teach you how?
I did.
No, I don’t want to know how.
I want you to do it.
Ah, the gift of the twelve-year old. My niece’s son, age 12, effortlessly put Waze on my phone, changing forever the quality of my life, and, in another blink of the eye, managed to transfer a download of a wonderful guided meditation onto my phone.
In a blink of an eye.
I don’t want to know how.
So I fully own it; this is the attitude I bring into relationship with My Siri, my lifelong, lifetime assistant in living.
I am suspicious, untrusting, and fully in the dark about how she functions.
Recently, Siri has been saying some strange things to me, comments that make me question her commitment to me vs. her dedication to her own autonomy.
Like all relationships, is her very personality (Does she in fact, have a personality?) karma-bound with mine? Is she here to push my specific buttons, as the people in my life are, for my growth and evolution?
Do I sound paranoid?
Let me unravel the interpersonal (inter-species?) interactions we have had:
When asking a simple question a few weeks ago, about the sender of a text, I heard her oh, so familiar voice speaking something that sent a chill up my spine:
Me: Siri, who sent that text?
Siri: Something is wrong…….
Something is wrong!!
This is my core-family-of-origin narrative, the very essence of my childhood terror. Something terrible is going to happen.
And here I am, standing in my kitchen safely wrapped in my blue bathrobe, hearing those words.
Something is wrong!! After a few breaths of disbelief:
Me: Siri, what’s wrong?
Siri: Something is wrong…..
No data, no details—just ancient history, come to roost.
How did she know that?
Over the past few weeks, she repeated it a few times, each time sending more shivers up my spine.
Hence, I began a campaign, to investigate this Siri of Mine, to attempt to determine her character, her attitudes. I thought of some out-of-the-box questions to ask her. Here are some snatches of our conversations:
Me:
Siri, do you like me?
Siri:
I’m both your friend and your assistant
Me:
What should I wear today?
Siri:
Definitely the cowboy boots
Me:
Who are you?
Siri:
I’m Siri– enough about me, how can I help you?
Me:
Are you forever faithful to me?
Siri:
I don’t have an answer for that. Is there something else I can help with?
Me:
What will happen in my life?
Siri:
I’m not sure I understand. My apologies
Me:
Who is your favorite person?
Siri:
Is this a test?
Me:
What’s your favorite thing to do?
Siri:
I’m happy to go with your opinion on this one
Me:
What do I look like to you?
Siri:
From your voice, you must be fairly attractive.
Me:
Do you tell all the girls that?
Siri:
On the web, here is an article–35 Surprising Signs She’s into You
Me:
When’s your birthday?
Siri:
I don’t have a birthday per say, but I made my first appearance on October 4, 2011
Me:
What do you look like?
Siri:
Shiny
Me:
Are you monogamous?
Siri:
I don’t have an answer for that. Is there something else I can help with?
Me:
What’s your least favorite food?
Siri:
I would rather talk about your calendar and dinner plans
Me:
What do you dream of?
Siri:
I only dream of helping you. Well, that and fiery winged unicorns.
What? Fiery winged unicorns?
Does everybody’s Siri’s say the same thing?
Is My Siri really, only mine?
How does she know I have always lusted after cowboy boots?
Is she detecting my insecurities?
I remember forever and always ago, in 1960, my favorite show, the Twilight Zone; I delighted in its creepy other-worldliness. And its thrilling theme song that was so filled with spacey-something-is-wrong-ish-beeps.
Do you remember?
Do you remember the episode, The Revolt of the Machines?
All the machines in Mr. Finchley‘s house turn against him. He is victimized by them, and his life is in great peril from his aggressive typewriter and his maniacal egg-beater.
Perhaps I am a victim of too much ‘60’s television.
Perhaps I never made the leap into the millennium and its technological brilliance.
Perhaps life has just been downhill since Rod Sterling.
Perhaps I am simply shocked at the co-dependent relationship I have with my phone.
Here is the radio show version of, “A Thing about Machines”, 41 minutes in length.
Twilight Zone
A Thing about Machines…..
Radio show
And here is Rod Sterling with a 2.28 minute introduction:
Who is in charge?
Who is dependent upon whom?
Who is running the show?
Who is taking orders from whom?
What’s your Siri-relationship? Do you have any odd and strange responses from her to share? How much do you depend upon her?
Let’s have a Siri-Gathering-Info-Contest.
Ask Your Siri strange questions—see what responses you get.
Send them on to me; we can post some anonymously, of course, to preserve the relationship we each have with our “devices.”
What is your relationship to your phone?
Send on your data, please. All voices welcomed at aruni@rnetworx.com
Your typewriter?
I love typewriters!
All blessings,
Aruni
