On the Wings of Grace
I woke into the heavy darkness of what wasn’t happening. Like a thick film, disappointment instantly coated me. The clock mocked me with its message of 3:08. Often when I wake early I can slide through that blessed doorway back into sleep or prayer or easy relaxation. Not all the time. This morning was a not-all-the time experience. The clock and I together crept toward the half hour, then the hour. Each passing moment laid heavier and heavier yet in my heart. “All that work—it isn’t going to happen–who will I be without this?” My increasing mental chatter cancelled out any possibility of salvaging; no rest was in sight. I steeled myself for the long haul toward 5:30, my legitimate getting out of bed time. Fumbling through my morning practices—walking, praying, yoga/light, easy meditation—I could find no solace. No solace was to be found on this, the not-all-the-time morning.
By the time I found myself driving to work, I had dug a deep hole of disappointment in which I sat, committed to the narrative of my own defeat. Without knowing it, my mantra had become, “It isn’t going to work. It isn’t going to work.” The ache in me was deep. As I turned the corner to come onto Swamp Road, instantly everything changed. There, high, high in the tree, right near where we had seen her before, sat the red-tailed hawk. My heart jumped. As I breathed her in, her message flooded me—there is a bigger picture perspective! As she gazed at faraway sights, faraway opportunities for prey, somehow my tiny perspective, hyper-focused on this particular moment that was not meeting my standards, released. I hadn’t imagined the possibility of a bigger picture. Truly who knows what might happen in a week, in a month? I was literally released by awe.
Driving slowly away, I smiled to myself. She, that beautiful hawk, was such a healer, such a messenger. I felt flooded with gratitude for the shift she offered me. The morning light on the land was soft and opening, as were the feelings in my belly. I continued my twelve minute trek to work. Driving up and around the ridge, just a few minutes later, sitting on a wire that crossed the road, directly facing me was a stunning white owl! I drove right under her and absorbed her blessing, her reminder: you are equipped and you are able. My breath caught. A day of double benedictions, feathered messengers blessing my path.
I am equipped and I am able. And there is a bigger perspective here, one I cannot yet see. More will be revealed and clearly, my guardian avian angels have my back. I have all I need to move forward, just one step at a time.
So many messengers, so many blessings surround us. We are not alone. How can we continue to keep our eyes and hearts open to the possibilities that emerge when we partner with the natural world? What might this possibility look like in your life today?