Being Close to Yourself*

Yoga is the practice of being close to yourself,

No matter what is happening within or around you.*

 

By Elana Brower

I’ve walked through the Kripalu Café 5,000-trillion times on my way hither and skitter, here and there, over the years. I’ve seen this sign, a simple quote by Elana Brower, beautifully illustrated on the wall. I’ve considered it—I guess—I’ve noticed it—probably. But today? Today I saw it.

Today, it stopped me in my tracks. Halfway down the hallway, I reversed course, headed back, took its picture. And stood there.

Being close to yourself.

No matter what.

That was morning. Now it’s now, the afternoon. I’m presently snickering with myself, a few hours of procrastination later. Truth be told, I don’t want to be close enough to myself in order to even write this damn blog!

I’m tired and I’m cranky. The dog ate a chicken bone. All is well, eventually. Inevitably. Yes, we cut our anniversary vacation short by two days. Yes, we did. Yes, it was the right decision. Yes, I was up a few nights without much sleep, first with worry, then with actually dog-needing-to-go-out-no-matter-the-time-of-night. And yes, I am super-conflicted about the dog-sitter who was “on duty” during the chicken-bone-debacle.

But being close to my crankiness? Being close to my exhaustion? My disappointment? My fear? My conflicts?

In this moment, I’m not a massive fan of this idea. It’s not a big yes. But I am committed. I am committed to being close to myself, because I believe: I get exactly what I need to grow and to become more of who I really am.

I believe that deeply. It gives me the courage to keep going. It doesn’t take away my feelings, my exhaustion, my anxiety—but it keeps me moving through it.

Because we well know, damn it, the way out of It is through It.

~~~

The Power and the Practice of Presence?

How do we continue to live into this?

Kripalu Methodology of Riding the Waves of Sensation come to mind.

If you’ve been to Kripalu, you have probably heard about BRFWA, Riding the Waves.

Most importantly and not a strength of mine, is breathing. Notice how many times in a Kripalu yoga class the teacher encourages us “to breathe”. 9,763 times? The breath is the bridge from the mind back to the body. The breath has the capacity through the Vagal Nervous System, to literally shift gears, from fight/flight (Sympathetic Nervous System) to rest/and/digest (Parasympathetic)

If you don’t do anything aerobic or yoga, you can create breath as a prompt. At every red light, take three deep breaths. Or… if you regularly ride a train, every time the train comes into a station, take a few deep breaths. Create a prompt, using a consistent occurrence in your life that will remind you to practice breathing.

Relaxing—softening into the sensations, the feelings, rather than tensing against, constricting around, pushing away.

Swami Kripalu taught about the Nobility of Retreat, mindfully and consciously relaxing, softening.

What can you do today to practice the Nobility of Retreat?

I just had a delicious and helpful afternoon nap. It falls under The Nobility of Retreat.

Feeling—Yep, feelings are not the problem. Running from them, trying to control them, pulling them close, that’s the source of suffering, I believe. Let the feelings come. Let them go.

Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional. This 12 Step saying has been helpful for me.

~~~

Do you practice being present with what is? If so, what does it look like? Be specific.

What are the obstacles that block you from being present?

Can any of the above ideas support you, as you commit to being present and alive, in your life?

Please consider.

~~~

Here is a beautiful video from Playing for Change, the extraordinary non-profit that draws musicians from all over the world together to create music. This is a tender one, with a few testimonies within it.

An oldie and a goodie, with deep meaning:

~~~

Folks, just for today—

Give us the willingness and the courage

To keep practicing.

Give us the willingness and the courage

To keep coming back

To the moment.

Give us the willingness and the courage

To appreciate what is,

To honor what was,

And

To imagine

What might be.

May all beings benefit from our time together.

All blessings,

Aruni

~~~

*Quote by Elena Brower, teacher, writer, speaker—

https://elenabrower.com/

More Will Be Revealed

NOTES TO SELF:

Stop trying to solve a problem that hasn’t happened yet.

 

Hello. Earth to Aruni.

Stop it right now.

This hyper-vigilance is exhausting.

Ineffective.

And so costly.

Dear Friends, if it only worked? If it only worked to imagine what might happen, to have responses to it all ordered and planned and alphabetized.

If only it worked.

Flaws Inherent in Hyper-Vigilance

1.  The situation I am passionately dissecting has not yet happened.
2. It may never happen.
3. By focusing on what is not real, I miss wonderful life moments—tiny birds chirping, cooler breezes blowing across my face, Nik’s hilarious morning playing.
4. Etc., regarding what I am missing.
5. By getting all-in-there, I interfere with the flow of life. I interrupt the natural unfolding, the resolution life will inevitably offer me.
6. By sacrificing humility for the illusion that I am all-powerful, by forcing a premature solution, I sacrifice presence and balance and serenity.

Forcing a Solution!—Stop Right Now, Aruni

It all comes down to my capacity/our capacity to be present with what is.

It all comes down to my willingness/our willingness to stay in the unknown, to allow the not-knowing to unfold in its right and perfect timing.

Remember these fabulous Kripalu invitations?

• Holding the posture.
• Riding the waves.
• Relaxing into what is.
• Softening around the sensations.

Yes, that stuff.

All that stuff.

~~~

More will be revealed.

More is always revealed,

In its right-timing.

One step informs the next.

When something happens, some challenge, some opportunity, there will be clues.

Breadcrumbs.

Hints.

Steps.

One informing the next.

And the next,

Informing,

Ongoing

Steps.

Attempting to figure it out before the pieces are offered is futile,

Frustrating,

Ineffective.

One step

Informs

The

Next.

This is a call to trust, to imagine that no matter what does happen,

There will be some level of protection,

Some level of care

To take

Us

Forward.

Something beyond

Our

Own

Will.

~~~

Plan!

Oh, friends, do plan.

Imagine and figure it out.

Make reservations and budgets,

All that stuff.

Plan while rooted in the present—

There’s a practice!

Plan and let go of the outcome.

Plan and give it back.

Plan and give it away.

~~~

Because…

More is always revealed.

That which we cannot see,

When it is time,

If

It

Is

Essential,

It will reveal itself.

Here is this fantastic group, Music, Travel, Love singing an amazing rendition of a classic. I am awed by this song.

 

~~~

Dear Friends,

With gratitude.

With strong back,

With soft front—

May our coming together

Benefit all beings.

Blessings,

Aruni

 

So Why Not Just Show Up?*

Maybe because I’m an old woman?

Maybe because I’m a Jew?

Maybe because I’m a lesbian?

Maybe because things are changing so quickly?

~~~

Wait.  What?

Aruni, what?

This is so strange.

As I wrote these words, long before the title,

They seemed so rich and right.

But/and, as I sat here, I had no idea what to say next.

How do these four declarations open up into next thoughts?

I don’t know.

 

Maybe—what?

Maybe I needed to declare my self aloud.

This is me.

And so much more.

 

What does this all mean, Aruni?

 

But then, the title emerged.

Are the four sentences a response to the title?

 

These four proclamations—

THEY ARE REASON TO SHOW UP.

~~~

Which speaks to my interesting week,

In which I did my best to show up—

 

In this week I have had

Some fuzziness emerge,

Some erratic mood swings,

Along with

Some clear and alive moments.

You?

How was your week?

 

For me, —

Every human emotion

Came and went,

And came back,

Again.

 

Spring is springing—oh, a tad too slowly,

According to my clock.

 

The birds win first prize in my heart

For their dedication to life and its enjoyment.

Everything else?

Not so.

The tree budding is slow.

The daffodils, those brave ones, are center stage.

 

OH, good news from the Berkshires—

The forsythia is just beginning.

That gives my heart

A tiny tremble of hope.

~~~

Hope?

Grounds for believing that something good might happen.

 

I absolutely do believe that, for decades now,

As I look back upon what was unfolding

In different stages of my life,

Every single experience,

Especially the kick-ass ones,

Was followed

By more grace,

More support

And the

Next

Best

Moment.

 

Eventually and inevitably,

Good did emerge.

 

Roshi Joan Halifax, a personal hero,

Talks about wise hope.

Here is her short and fully digestible piece from Lion’s Roar.

Please check it out, I find her words, as always, so helpful.

 

Read More Here

 

So why not just show up,

She asks.

 

Good question.

~~~

Because it’s too scary?

Because it’s too hard?

Because I’m old?

 

NOPE.

None of those reasons stand.

 

Because being present in the moment

Is where life is happening.

 

In the moment

There is life,

Joy,

Love,

Connection.

 

Life happens in the moment.

 

Yes, there is suffering.

Yes, there is breakdown.

Yes, there is chaos.

Even more reason

To practice

Presence.

 

So let’s practice

Being present

With kindness.

 

Kindness for ourselves.

And from that platform of self,

 

May we offer kindness

To those people

Places

And

Things

Around

Us.

~~~

Thanks, Cat, for this powerful and soft song from Fia, the Swedish singer and songwriter, The Art of Letting Go.

 

Here it is, lovely and deep:

I love her first verse:

 

The more I struggle and fight

Trying to get it all right

I push away the very thing I want

Thinking it’s all up to me

Deciding how it will be

Forgetting that I am guided by the One

---

By the way,

WTF, America?

What is happening?

 

This is what I know to be true—

It’s time to practice.

It’s time to practice gently.

It’s time to see the beauty.

It’s time to speak the truth.

 

What about you, folks?

What is your practice

These days?

 

How are you taking care

Of yourself?

~~~

Dear Friends,

May we be healthy.

May we be present.

May we ride the waves

Of our lives.

 

May we live in peace

No matter what

We are given.

 

May all beings benefit from our shared words.

 

Stay blessed,

Aruni

 

*”So why not just show up,” asks Roshi Joan.

Darling Citizen*

It amuses me that the New Yorker and I
Are thinking along
The same
Stultifying
Avenues.
~~~
Next, I offer you:
A delicious Mary Oliver poem.

I adore this one.
I’ve used it, read it to classes, with great delight,
I read it to myself.
Again and again.
With growing, great delight—

Here’s Mary:

Mornings at Blackwater:

“For years, every morning, I drank
from Blackwater Pond.
It was flavored with oak leaves and also, no doubt,
the feet of ducks.

And always it assuaged me
from the dry bowl of the very far past.

What I want to say is
that the past is the past,
and the present is what your life is,
and you are capable
of choosing what that will be,
darling citizen.

So come to the pond,
or the river of your imagination,
or the harbor of your longing,
and put your lips to the world.

And live
your life.”
~~~
Oh, Mary.  
I love that the pond is flavored with the feet of ducks.
I adore that.
And, please, Darling citizen—must be one of life’s best phrases.
Has anybody ever used those two words together before?
And your ongoing reminder—we get to choose our lives.
Choose our moment.
You invite us into life with such gracious delight.
Dear Mary,
Thank you.
~~~
Here is another favorite
An exquisite rendition of an oldie but oh, so goodie.
Here is Paul Simon.
2019
Concert at Hyde Park