Coach Aruni

Life~Works Mindfulness Coaching

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The Doors

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You know that maddening experience of having a song frantically locked inside your memory, its endless loop relentlessly replaying itself, separate from your will? The old Doors song from the ‘60’s, “Break on through to the Other Side”, is having its way with me.

Check out Jim Morrison, 1967—I was a sophomore in college and oh, so discovering the delights of hashish.                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbiPDSxFgd8

Break on through to the other side—I tried to run—I tried to hide—break on through, break on through.

Dear, dear Jim. I tried this. I lived this. At times, I continue to try this. However, fighting reality, battling with the moment, just doesn’t work. Reality continues to be relentless. Situations come to us, in all their wacky and wild ways, to heal us, to deliver to us uninhabited parts of our selves. Fighting against the moment is counter-productive, the struggling exhausting and ineffective. Only by relaxing into, only by softening with, only by leaning toward, do the doors to transmutation open.

Just like on the yoga mat, fighting against sensations, pushing through or pulling away from feelings, take us away from the edge of growth. Breathing and relaxing, both on and off the mat, ease the struggle and fling open those doors, allowing the new moment to wash over us.

Breaking on through, as Jim suggests, is not even our business. What is our business? To relax, to notice, to take action while practicing letting go of the results—and to imagine that life’s circumstances are not our enemies to be overcome, but, as Sylvia Boorstein, the wonderful meditation teacher suggests, friends. Silvia says, “May I meet this moment mindfully—may I meet it as a friend.”

Maybe the mindful reframe of Jim’s lyrics might be, “Relax on through to the other side…relax on through, relax on through…..”.

What might this practice look like in your day? Right here, right now, in this moment, what might be different?

Thanks to Jim and Sylvia–what funny and perfect co-teachers!

Worker Bees – Unite

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I learned to work. Being raised by people who Worked (the capital letter is intentional), life was a little whispered voice in my childhood—work was the loudest and most dominant. My father owned a neighborhood grocery store, which was his father’s before him. My dad grew up in the store, as did my sister and I. My parents—bless them!—worked side by side, seven days a week. When not at the store, we talked about the store and we worried about the store. We snuck away on stolen vacations and held our collective familial breath, that all would be okay—in the store.

Learning to work was a good thing for me. Decades later, I am focused, attentive, committed, and extraordinarily effective in what I do. And I also struggle with down-time, fight relaxation, and am truly baffled by the potential of retirement.

Who might I be, if I not be: coach/teacher/writer? Who might Aruni be, without those expressions of my being?

Because I have no answers, I am practicing the wild and wacky inquiry of “non-doing and grace”. In the words of Rishi Prabhakar, “There is nothing to do to get to enlightenment. There is no knowledge, no special learning required. No amount of doing will take us there. In fact, it only happens when we STOP DOING and STOP TRYING.”

Stop doing? Stop trying? Wow, what an invitation.

To the worker-bees amongst us: what will you do today, to unplug? To stop? To relax into the grace that simply is? How can you rest and watch and notice? Dear worker-bee, how can you just be today?

Outliving Cravings

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We are able to change the way our brain responds to the moment. The plasticity of the brain allows the creation of new neuropathways, new ways of responding. This is a mindful practice based in self-observation without judgment. Whenever you notice your negative behavior, practice N-R-R, noticing, relaxing, and realigning.

Noticing is the doorway to change. It is a grace-given gift that is affected by self-care. The way we create balance in our lives through diet, movement, sleep, and stress reduction, impact how effectively we can notice our behavior. Practicing self-care is a powerful way to strengthen the muscle of noticing.

Relaxing with the old behavior, once we notice it without judgment, breathing with it, opens the doors to compassion. This flow state, this zone of grace is an essential element in change. Consider it from a physiological state—we spend way too much time in the sympathetic nervous system, the place of fight-flight-freeze. As we relax and take a few deep breathes, we shift into the parasympathetic nervous system, that place of rest-and-digest. Integration happens there. The breath is an amazing tool of self-intervention.
And finally, realign—what is a more aligned action, a more positive step, a more healthy thought you can offer yourself? It might be a moment to practice gratitude, to walk away from the refrigerator, to turn off the television, to pick up the telephone, to bless yourself with a prayer.

Experiment with N-R-R, noticing, relaxing, and realigning. And remember, you cannot possibly do this wrong. This is a practice, a place to continue to return to, no matter what.

Enjoy the journey.

Watch the video here.

Creating Intentions—Yogic Style

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The yogic practice of sankalpa is a powerful one. Rather than a mind-over, willful intention, similar to the kind we often make on New Year’s Eve, sankalpa is a bubbling up from the heart, our deepest longing emerging and informing next steps.

What is it that your heart is longing for? What is your deepest, most delicious desire? Let this emerge, not so much from a sense of “have to” or “need to”, but from the silence and the depth inside your own heart. Imagine you could rest this desire onto the altar of your own heart, with silent presence.

Once an intention has revealed itself, there are actions to take, to ground the greater proclamation.

What is one step you can take that can make this intention more grounded? What is the next, best thing you can do to make your longing real?

Breathe and relax. As you take the next, right step, life will meet you!

Watch the video here.

Taking a Break from Self-Judgment

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What would it be like to free yourself from your own self-judgment? What would it be like to become your own best friend? How might life be different?
Whenever you notice the voice of judgment, take a few good, deep breaths. And then, tack the word “and” onto your thought, and create another phrase that is positive and self-loving.

 

If you notice a thought like, “I can’t believe I just said that!”, in this model, you can amend your thinking by saying, “I can’t believe I just said that AND I am contributing valuable information to this meeting.”

 

Other examples of freedom from self-judgment might be:

 

  • Life really sucks today AND I am going to enjoy this afternoon.
  • I really look terrible in this shirt AND I am worthy anyway.

Give yourself the gift of this mindful experiment—practice, notice, and relax!

Watch the video here.

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