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All is Not Lost

by

“All is Not Lost”*

The New Year 5782

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

No wonder I’m exhausted.
That’s a lot of years.

Wait.  I haven’t been alive for all of them.
Or have I?

Truly, how many lifetimes have been squashed into this one?
Do you feel that as you look back on your life?

Feeling pretty bummed out, dog-bites and all (see last week’s blog, right below this), somewhat pissed at Life Itself, Nik the Dog and I went to Couch Temple.  

Couch-Temple has worked for me, well before Covid instilled in me the Terror of Others.  Not having to park, manage crowds of eager Jews scurrying for seats during the High Holy Days, a few years back I discovered Central Synagogue in NYC, that magically and generously arrived at my couch.

This year I brought to the service a kind of—pissed-off—go–ahead—touch—me—I–dare–you–ness.  The beginning of the service almost annoyed me.  There was a jolliness I was sensing in the rabbis that did not support my commitment to my own gloom.  Although hearing the same liturgy which always opens my heart, I was hunkered down inside my mood of constriction and resentment.

And then it all changed.  I will share, down below, the third link, what changed me.

More about that in a moment.

First, layers of inspiration for us, all.

~~~ 
In a week of such grumpiness, I have been given three points of inspiration that have truly touched me, shifted me, helped me.  Here they are, life’s gifts to me, my gifts to us, for the celebration of 5782.

 

~~~
First, while sitting in Urgent Care the other day, waiting, (not an activity I do well), a friend sent on this perfect song.  Here is Eva Cassidy, who I have never heard before, so stunning, so perfect a voice, too soon taken from us.  Thanks, Denise:

~~~
Secondly, for fans of the dearest of dears, Mandy Patinkin—about love, a dog, ritual, and prayer.  Check it out.  Lovely:

Mandy Patinkin, Dog and Prayers

~~~
And finally, this has been the game-changer for me, Rabbi Angela Buchdahl’s sermon from Tuesday, the day of Rosh HaShana.  Through the generosity of Central Synagogue, which is so committed to us, its virtual community, I am so grateful to share this with you.

It is about twenty minutes long.  Stay with it, even if you listen in spurts. She lands it in the end, with amazing clarity, heart, and truth. 

All is not Lost—We Return to the Stone
September 7, 2021
Rabbi Angela Buchdahl
Rosh HaShana, 5782

~~~
Dear Friends, 
May this new year,
This new season,
This new moment 
Hold us
In the arms 
Of Grace.

May we recognize
The Grace
That is.

Blessings,
Aruni

~~~
*Title of Rabbi Buchdahl’s sermon from 9/7/21.

Please Remind Me:

by

Please Remind Me:
When the Apocalypse Begins, to Take My Schedule Book

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

Life on life’s terms, it is proclaimed, in 12 Step Programs.

I always found that invitation both puzzling and slightly annoying.

Terms?

What terms?  What are life’s damn terms, anyway?

Well, that exactly has been my predicament.

However, as I get older and older, and continue to get older, (She said, lovingly with a slight snicker), I realize the answer to the puzzle:

Life’s terms equal exactly what is happening.

Bastards.

My friend, Jodie D., use to ongoing repeat her mantra:

BASTARDS.

While shaking her fist at the heavens. 

It was funny.  It was slightly ironic.  It was pleasingly irreverent.  

Yet something about it, the words with the matching action, was somewhat helpful.

Back to my convoluted story:

 I rushed out of the house, adrenaline surging, pulling the poor frightened dog, Niki B, on her leash, behind me.

The poor dog knew not to fuck around now. (sorry, the f-word, and so early in the blog.)

I took nothing with me—no change of clothes, no schedule book, nothing.  

Dog, wallet, keys.  I guess that was something.

The call from Friend Mary kicked my blood pressure through the roof.
My spouse, in Richmond, about 30 minutes from here, Mary told me, minding her own bees-wax, as my mother might say, was walking through our funky little neighborhood.

She heard the dog but didn’t see it, until it was upon her.

Screaming for help while he violently attacked her, with poor Mary was on the phone, way over in New York State, the dog continued to have at her.

Eventually—helpful neighbors, ambulance, paramedics, state police, animal control, all intervened.

The dog, an Australian Shepherd, always runs back and forth at the window, barking, herding us neighborhood people walking by.     

Today he somehow escaped both his house and the fenced yard and needed to do more than just herd.   

(Aruni, please, return us to the sequence of events—)

Driving the sixty minutes to the hospital was a hot misery.

Dropping off Niki the Tiny Dog at our Richmond house, I looked down at her and proclaimed:

“YOU NEED TO BE BRAVE NOW.”  Her eyes were huge in the face of this odd invitation, this different moment.  

Perhaps I was talking to myself.

Perhaps my eyes were huge, too.

Back in the car.

Finally screeching into the parking lot of the ER, heart pounding, I found my mask and made my way inside.

I eventually found Ras in a cubicle, wrapped in a bloodied sheet, on the phone, looking ridiculously spunky.

The dog did a number—I will spare us the goory details.  And goory I do mean.

And Ras is a strong little thing.

Five hours later, we got home.

10:30 p.m., exhausted, we walked into the darkened house.  Niki greeted us with trembling delight.

Poor Ras settled in.  She is tiny and ferocious, with strong energy to live onward.  

Although shaken by life on life’s terms, traumatized by the abrupt and violent shift of reality, she is okay.
And so am I.

Pray for no infection, folks, which is the big risk with dog bites, due to the inevitable bacteria in dog mouths. 

(How often do I kiss that Little Niki’s mouth?  FEH.)

~~~
I stayed for a few days with her.
No schedule book!

How do I live onward?
What’s next?

What’s the schedule?

~~~

For me?  With a little hindsight….
The hardest part?

Not the unbelievable amount of blood.

Not the torn flesh.

Not the abrupt interruption in the peaceful afternoon.

Not watching the doctor reconstruct her skin on her calf.

Not scrubbing the blood out of her clothes.

NOOOOO.

NO.  The hardest part was 
Being present
With my 
Own
Impatience,

The driving behind “slow cars” to the hospital,
The endless waiting for medical support.

For me, the hardest part?

Recognizing how my impatience
Is a smoke screen
For my terror.

Recognizing how my anxiety
Is cover
For my fear.

Being present
With my own
Upset.

Honestly
That was
The hardest part.

~~~
I believe the energy I bring to people
Determines so very much.

I believe the way we interact
Impacts each other.

I once attended a presentation by my colleague, Dr. Lisa Nelson,
The Biology of Empathy.

Biologic data tells us that our thoughts, our feelings influence each other–

Yours, mine,
Us—to each other.

What I put out into the universe
Matters.

This is not to make the fear wrong,
The anxiety wrong,
The impatience.

This is to remind us that
Leaning back toward center.
Leaning back toward calm,
That’s the practice.

Doing my best
To return to center.

Doing my best
To return
To calm.

That’s the practice.
Right there,
In the ER.

Right there,
Behind the drivers with out-of-state licenses,
Out for a scenic drive,
In the middle of my family emergency.

Right there.

Life.
Life on life’s terms.

~~~
Rumi talks about calm in the midst of the lighting of life.

Not separate from
Rather
In the midst of.

Not sitting on the meditation cushion.
Walking peacefully in the woods.
But right here.

In the ER.

Life is real.
It seems to be getting more real.

I faced it without my schedule book.

That happened.
Now it is now.

We are in this—
Together.

Right here,
Right now.

~~~
These past few days, I was supported and calmed by two artists I randomly discovered this week.  (Do we believe anything is really random?).  Although I know little about them, their words and their music comforted me, and returned me to ease.

The first is written by a poet named Guthema Roba.  Here are his words:

~~~

Calmness by Guthema Roba

Life is a great guru
And every day
We are being polished
Every day
We are learning to remain calm—

When you are calm, even a tornado calms itself down
To sit next to you

To remain calm is the ocean
A raw goldmine sleeping
In your heart-center—

When you are calm,
Time and karma disappear—
Birth and death disappear—
You become one with the
Vibration of the universe—
What has happened and
What is going to happen
Does not worry you anymore.
To be calm is to be truly yourself—
When you are calm
The world around you
Becomes calm.

It is a return to 
The origin.
And being calm does not
Require any effort
Just remember who
You are

~~~
Secondly, I most randomly discovered this lovely twenty-minute guitar piece, by Claudie Makula.  I am surely a sucker for guitar!  Please do enjoy her lovely music, simple and easy:

~~~

Dear Friends,

What do you do to return to center?
How to you unwind, soften, relax,
Realign?

Please—keep blessing yourself
With this return home,
No matter what is happening.

Dear Friends,

Be safe,
Be well.

Let’s practice
Returning to center.

Not to get rid of our feelings.

But to give us the strength
The courage
The willingness

To keep practicing.

With blessings to the dog,

With gratitude that more harm wasn’t done,

Aruni

~~~

PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS WONDERFUL PROGRAM OFFERING—

THE KRIPALU APPROACH TO HEALTHY WEIGHT

Check it out—this is a perfect online program since we will practice between sessions, weaving these strategies into our lives.

https://kripalu.org/presenters-programs/kripalu-approach-healthy-weight

Designed with evidence-based medical information, Ayurvedic wisdom, and the contemplative practice of mindfulness and radical self-acceptance, this online program helps you shift the concept of dieting, which we know is not sustainable, into a journey toward a healthy weight and lifelong wellness. This journey is more than just learning about what we eat, stress reduction, and yogic philosophy—both educational and experiential, it is a practice focused on living and practicing these principles.

Imagine…

by

Imagine…

A Meditation on Possibilities

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

Hello, dear friends.

I am inspired, sobered, and riveted by these words from Arundhati Roy, an Indian author best known for her novel The God of Small Things, winner of the Man Booker Prize for Fiction in 1997, the best-selling book by a non-expatriate Indian author.  As a political activist involved in justice-seeking for human rights and environmental rights, her below words have infiltrated my heart and my mind:

Whatever it is, coronavirus has made the mighty kneel

and brought the world to a halt

 like nothing else could. 

Our minds are still racing back and forth, 

longing for a return to “normality”, 

trying to stitch our future to our past and refusing to acknowledge the rupture. 

But the rupture exists. 

And in the midst of this terrible despair, 

it offers us a chance to rethink the doomsday machine we have built for ourselves. 

Nothing could be worse than a return to normality. 

Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. 

This one is no different. 

It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. 

We can choose to walk through it, 

dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, 

our avarice, 

our data banks and dead ideas, 

our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. 

Or we can walk through lightly, 

with little luggage, 

ready to imagine another world. 

And ready to fight for it.

~~~

I am speechless.  

I feel most moved by these words:

“…..ready to imagine

Another world,

And ready

To fight for it.

~~~

Check out these words, written by another genius and visionary who walked amongst us.  Even if you think you know the words, take a few moments, and read them:

~~~

“Imagine”
(by John Lennon)

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today… Aha-ah…

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace… You…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world… You…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

~~~

So profound.  The world’s peace anthem, simple and digestible, normalized over the years, yet filled with challenges beyond convention, challenges that ride piggyback on the soothing and repetitive piano.

John could have written this song today, rather than in 1971, its relevance dropping deeper and deeper roots.

What a bundle of contradictions was this man, with his hand-painted Rolls Royce, as he urges us toward no possessions.  Yet the sincerity and the depth of this song becomes more authentic and available as the world marches onward.  

Somehow, for me, John contains the contradictions, almost making the song more alive and more relevant.  I, too, despite my attachment to self-gifting from Amazon and stuff, I, too, choose to lean toward less and less, fewer and fewer things.

John lands it; meeting us where we are, leaning toward the possibilities.

~~~

The world will live as one.

~~~

And now, let us listen and imagine, with Our John:

~~~
Dear Friends,

Please join me for my six-minute Meditation on Possibility:

~~~

Be well.

Be safe.

Let’s live deeper

And wider

Then the contradictions

That we are.

Let’s imagine

The portal 

Of this moment

Taking us

To a safer,

More just,

More equitable

World.

All blessings,

Aruni
~~~

THE KRIPALU APPROACH TO HEALTHY WEIGHT

Check it out—this is a perfect on-line program, since we will practice between sessions, weaving these strategies into our lives.

https://kripalu.org/presenters-programs/kripalu-approach-healthy-weight

Designed with evidence-based medical information, Ayurvedic wisdom, and the contemplative practice of mindfulness and radical self-acceptance, this online program helps you shift the concept of dieting, which we know is not sustainable, into a journey toward a healthy weight and lifelong wellness. This journey is more than just learning about what we eat, stress reduction, and yogic philosophy—both educational and experiential, it is a practice focused on living and practicing these principles.

Expired Coping Mechanisms

by

Expired Coping Mechanisms

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

They worked then.
They do not work now.

They shielded us then.
Now?
Nope.

They were brilliant
And
Amazing ways 
That Emerged 
To protect
Ourselves,  
To comfort ourselves,
To shield
Ourselves.

EXPIRED.

Ran out.
Became invalid.
Became void.
Lapsed.
Ceased.
Concluded.
Terminated.

EXPIRED.

We just continue
To go down
Their
Ancient
Neuropathways,
Expecting 
Different
Results.

I probably have
2,789 potential
Examples.

Here’s one—
My first addiction was fantasy.
Every night in bed
I comforted myself
By “writing stories”.

I was the hero.
Androgynous,
Always riding a horse,
My obsession with 
Sargent Preston and King of the Yukon
(a ‘50’s tv series, for you younger ones)
Playing out.

I was there
To save
The 
Damsel 
In
Distress.

I was a 
Royal Canadian Mountie 
Like my hero.

I imagined
And
Imagined
And
Imagined

While living
With 
The
Profound shame
This fantasy
Gave me.

PROFOUND
SHAME.

That’s one coping mechanism,
Now mostly expired.

I no longer want to be a Royal Canadian Mountie.
Yet I still am aware of the part of myself that
Wants to fix,
To make better,
To rescue.

Only
2, 788 left.

As we become
Willing
Able
And available
To bear witness
To our
Own suffering,

The need for
These ancient protections
Can be soften,
Can be lifted.

This is the healing process
We practice
Off the yoga mat,
The remarkable possibility
Of
Changing
The brain,
The body,
And
Behavior.

By witnessing what is,
By feeling the suffering,
In the case of myself as a tiny Sargent Preston of the Yukon,
The shame of it.

The way to healing,
The way
To new behavior
Is through the feelings.

Abiding our
Own
Suffering.

The way 
Out of it
Is through it.

We can
Look through the window
Of old behavior
Onto a new landscape
And
New
Possibilities.

And as we do so,
There we meet 
Each other.

~~~
Here is Thich Nhat Hanh, on Touching the Past.

~~~
And here I am, reading a story called, Levitating Big Grey, from my first book, Recovering My Voice.

Listen Here 

~~~

THE KRIPALU APPROACH TO HEALTHY WEIGHT

I am delighted that our wonderful Kripalu program is returning online, in four-ninety-minute live zoom sessions, Sept. 13-Oct. 4.  

https://kripalu.org/presenters-programs/kripalu-approach-healthy-weight

With my dear and brilliant colleague, Dr. Lisa B. Nelson, and special speaker Lauren Gernady from our School of Ayurveda, this program will support you in bringing compassion and the right choice into your relationship with food.

Designed with evidence-based medical information, Ayurvedic wisdom, and the contemplative practice of mindfulness and radical self-acceptance, this online program helps you shift the concept of dieting, which we know is not sustainable, into a journey toward a healthy weight and lifelong wellness. This journey is more than just learning about what we eat, stress reduction, and yogic philosophy—both educational and experiential, it is a practice focused on living and practicing these principles.

If you have questions, please reach out.  I am thecoacharuni@gmail.com.

What is the Middle Road?

by

What is the Middle Road?



“Things are far too serious for us to lose our sense of humor.”

Says Terry Patten

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

 

The heat has almost felt debilitating to me, gnawing at my senior-flesh, leaving me moist and messy and morose.  

Walking with Niki yesterday, (why else would anybody be outside, I wondered, but to serve the cutest roommate on the planet?), I heard myself say to nobody, since nobody was around:

“I am in hell.”

I startled myself.

I looked around.  Clearly, this was not hell in which I walked.

TO THE CONTRARY.

Check out the picture—this was right after another massive rainstorm and just before sunset.  Such amazing colors.

The glorious Berkshires held me, the across-the-street farm, our neighbor-horses, the green of trees, birds carrying on, all defying my proclamation, as my above picture confirms.

WHAT THE HECK?

I am committed to positivity, to possibility, to life, to hope, and blah blah blah.

I am committed to understanding my privilege, acknowledging my resources, and using them in a way to serve and support others.

Blah blah blah. 

Yet here I am, in the midst of such blessings, cursing the world.

Feeling cursed by my world?

Well, truly, we can probably agree, the world is fairly fucked.

Pardon my “technical” use of the f-word.

One of my friends offered this descriptor—we are circling the drain.

That image brought me pause.

The IPCC, the Intergovernmental Panel of Climate Change report has been shocking to me, yet not surprising.

The fires, the flooding, the future.

I can go down that hallway without return, and never hear another bird,

Never see another sunrise,

Never appreciate the glory around me.

Or—as some other folks that I know and love, I could put my head in the scorching sand next to theirs and continue along my way.

So—folks…

So—Aruni…

What is the middle road?

How do we bear witness to the suffering of ourselves, the suffering of others,

The suffering of our glorious and mistreated planet,

And lean into each other,

And lean into non-reactive action,

And lean into making the world a better place,

No matter what happens?

Terry Patten reminds us of humor.

The biology of laughter, the biology of humor certainly assures us that humor, mirth, and laughter contribute positively to the maintenance of health and survival—

Good things, that health, that survival.

How do we continue to lighten our hearts in the midst of the truth of what is?

~~~

Check out these more humorous inspirations for the week:

Here are two favorites—first, Wanda Sykes on the Colbert Show.  This clip interested me since she is talking about really un-funny things.  The piece is called, “What’s Going on Now is Not Normal”.  Enjoy.

~~~
Next—Tig Notaro’s dry humor cracks me up.  I appreciated this piece, “Why She Kicked the Baby”.

 

~~~

Shifting gears a bit, I am taking a year-long training through the esteemed Upaya Zen Center on Socially Engaged Buddhism.

Being exposed to extraordinary Buddist teachers has been a gift to my heart.  The opening session in February was with Joanna Macy, environmental activist, author, scholar of Buddhism, general systems theory, and deep ecology.  For decades upon decades, she has worked for the environment. 

Her entire presentation was profound.  At 92, her energy opened my heart.  The lines she spoke that most impacted me have been the greatest learning I have had this year so far, in my SEB program.  This is my humble paraphrase:

We may be too late to impact the healing of our planet.  Yet we are meant to be here, to bear witness to this transition.  This is our sacred task.

~~~

Here’s Joanna in a short video, Embracing Pain

~~~

We must end this discussion, of course, focusing on our relationship with our animal companions.  This is a two-minute video.  PLEASE, wait till the end—wait for it.  I’m serious.  Wait.

 

~~~

Dear Friends,

How can you speak your despair, your pain, your heartbreak, while seeing the beauty around us?

How can you give yourself the gift of humor, in the midst of so much transition and unknown?

What techniques can you utilize?

How can you support yourself in walking this middle road?

In Gratitude,

Aruni

~~~

THE KRIPALU APPROACH TO HEALTHY WEIGHT

I am delighted that our wonderful Kripalu program is returning online, in four-ninety-minute live zoom sessions, Sept. 13-Oct. 4.  

https://kripalu.org/presenters-programs/kripalu-approach-healthy-weight

With my dear and brilliant colleague, Dr. Lisa B. Nelson, and special speaker Lauren Gernady from our School of Ayurveda, this program will support you in bringing compassion and the right choice into your relationship with food.

Designed with evidence-based medical information, Ayurvedic wisdom, and the contemplative practice of mindfulness and radical self-acceptance, this online program helps you shift the concept of dieting, which we know is not sustainable, into a journey toward healthy weight and lifelong wellness. This journey is more than just learning about what we eat, stress reduction, and yogic philosophy—both educational and experiential, it is a practice focused on living and practicing these principles.

If you have questions, please reach out.  I am thecoacharuni@gmail.com.

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