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“Pride….the Absence of Shame”

by

“Pride….the Absence of Shame”*

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

 

Dear Little Nan,

Look at you.

Oh.
I love you.

I love that shirt—

That is a
Great shirt!

I write this from the distance of…
???
 Probably 65 years.

I write this with 
A perspective
Of experience,
Of strength,
Of hope.

I offer
Today
To you,
My dear one,
My
Assurance.

My love.

I offer you
My guarantee:

You are awesome.

Being exactly
Who you are—
That is
The 
Journey.
Dear One,
YOU GOT THIS.

Yep, life will be hard.

Yep, you will feel
Alone,
Ridiculously
Alone.

You will feel
Different,
Absurdly
Different.

You will feel
Terrified,
So
Very
Terrified.

And dear one,
You will,
You
ABSOLUTELY
WILL
Outlive 
Those feelings.

Dear One,
You will
Step 
Into 
Them,
And
You will
Walk
Through
Them.

And you will
Absolutely
For sure
Find
Your
Home
Inside
Yourself.

You want 
To kiss girls,
Right?

What a good idea!

You know what?
The day will come
When
Kissing
Girls
Will
Be
Beyond-
Perfect,

Beyond-
Normal.

It will be
Your right.

The day will come
When
Kissing girls
Will
Be
YOUR
RIGHT.

The shame,
The
Separation,
The
Aloneness

That you needed
To 
Protect
Yourself
Will
Begin
To 
Be
Irrelevant.

But for now,

Dear
Little
Nan,

Be brave.
Take care.
Know
That
In
The 
Bigger
Moment,
You 
Are
Held 
In 
Love.

Please know,
My
Dear
One—

You are
Not
Alone.

I’m right here.

~~~
My prayers and hopes for you?

Today,
I
Offer
You
Love.

Today,
I 
Offer
You
Hope.

Today
I pray
That
You find
Your way,

With a
Strong back,
And
Soft front.

Strong back,
Soft front.

To take
A step
Forward,

To open
Your heart.

And 
To keep
Yourself
Safe.

Dear One,
I love you.

I’m
Right 
Here.

You don’t
Have to
Hide
From me.

The day will come
When
You
Won’t 
Have 
To
Hide
At
All.

Love,
From Big Aruni
~~~

Dear Friends, here is a familiar song, filtered through Brandi Carlile’s experience, strength, and hope.  She is singer, songwriter, producer, activist, advocate of LBGTQIA+ rights and women’s rights, all.  

I heard her perform and discuss this song during an amazing documentary about Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah—Leonard Cohen.  A Journey, A Song.  Please!  See it if you can.

Here’s Brandi:

~~~
And here’s Brandi telling her story of coming out in a powerful four minutes:

Read Here

~~~
Speaking of storytellers, I would like to introduce you to my brilliant and forever-friend, Adam Mastoon, remarkable photographer, graphic designer, and multimedia storyteller.  Please check out his stories.  He both sees and captures the beauty in our strength and in our vulnerability—in us all. A modern-day storyteller, here he is:

Read Here

~~~
Dear Friends,

As a child, what parts of yourself did you hide?
What’s the cost of that hiding, today?
Consider.  And Ponder
Shame has a purpose.
Denial probably kept me alive.
Until the moment
It began
To rob me
Of life.

Find a picture 
Of your little kid, 
You.

Write to them?
Talk to them?
Write to me?
Write to somebody?
Brandi said it:

Pride
Is 
The
Absence
Of shame.

Of what part of yourself
Are you proud?
~~
May the work
We do
Together
Benefit
All
Beings.

With love,
Aruni

~~~

COME TAKE THE INNER QUEST!  
LET’S RELAX AND LOOK TOGETHER.

SEPTEMBER 30-OCTOBER 2
KRIPALU CAMPUS

Information Here

*Brandi quote

It’s Never Too Late

by

It’s Never Too Late


This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

“The creative adult
Is the child
that
survived.”

Author unknown

Do you want your life
To be different?

Do you want to feel
More connected,

More hopeful,
Less anxious?

Do you wish
You could:

Exercise,
Dance,
Play,
Celebrate…

Let life
Vibrate 
Through
You
Just
A 
Tad
More?

Just
A
Tad
More?

Do I?

I suppose I do.

Since I am
Writing this
From
My
Self, 

From
My body/mind/spirit,
Ever-changing
Balance/
Imbalance.

I consider myself
Somewhat 
Creative
In
Certain
Arenas,

Teaching
Writing
Coaching,

Yes!

Living?

Not so.
Not today.
Not this moment.

In this moment,
I feel bound.
I feel tight
And
Constricted.

I feel
Held
By
The
Circumstances
Of 
The
Day,

Unpredictable,
Changing,
Not changing
At all—
Without
Order
Or 
Sense.

And
At the same time,
I 
Feel 
Liberated
And
Free.

It’s 
All 
True.

All
Sacred.

All—
Inevitable.
~~~

The message for today?

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

To attend to that child,

That child,
You.

The 
One
Who 
Lives inside of YOU.

It is never too late.

To play.

To 
Connect.
To
Find ways
To reach out.

Swami Kripalu said,
The key to your heart
Lives 
In the heart
Of another.

TRULY SAID,
Swami-Dude-Man.

~~~
Okay, so that’s true.
How?

How to do it?

I have two ideas.
Two invitations.
Two options:

~~~
The most fun I have had in my adult life
Has been in
The Inner Quest Intensive.

(I am not making that up.  That is TRUE.)

Being together in a group
That is
Committed to creating
The world in which we want to live.

Being both held safely,
Being fully accepted
For exactly where
We are,
While being
Part of the 
Holding
Of others.

I have had 
Pee-in-my-pants issues,
Laughing so hard,
Wailing
With glee.

And
In that program,
I have felt
Connected,
A part of,
One
Among 
Many,

As nowhere
Else in my life.

If you want to connect
To your child.

If you want to
Laugh,
Feel your feelings,
Wake up,
Chill out–

If you choose to
Look inside,
To
Live yoga for a few days.
Be part of the world
You choose to create—

Please follow this link.
September 30-October 3.

Information Here 

~~~

I have another idea.

There are a few open spaces
In a wonderful 
Ongoing and closed
Women’s group
That I attend.

We meet weekly
For one hour.

We have been together
Since pandemic days.

Folks are transitioning.

Do you want to belong?

Do you want to feel connected?

It is support group and
A group
Of learning

We meditate,
Breathe,
Check in
And work
With
A curriculum
Of presence.

With
A workbook
Of 
Mindful
Strategies
And 
Practices.

Interested?
Questions?

 

Email Aruni: thecoacharuni@gmail.com

~~~
I trust what runs through me throughout a week.  
Here is a wonderous Mary Oliver poem, that found me again.
 I read it.  I weep: with…???  
Relief?  
Remembering?
Perspective?
Hope?

Mindful (by Mary Oliver)

Every day
I see or I hear
something
that more or less
kills me
with delight,

that leaves me
like a needle
in the haystack
of light.

It is what I was born for –
to look, to listen,
to lose myself
inside this soft world –

to instruct myself
over and over
in joy,
and acclamation.

Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant –

but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help
but grow wise
with such teachings
as these –
the untrimmable light
of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?
~~~
Does this poem touch you?
How?
Where?
Why?
How might you live
Into it
Just
For
One
Moment
Today?

~~~
This song, both old and new, revisited my heart this week.  I remember playing this song continually, CONTINUALLY.  It connected me to my longing—

How I wanted Something, Somewhere, separate from my anxiety, my mind’s scanning the universe for the next obvious danger—how I wanted Something, Somewhere, that is my Relief, My Home, My Place.

Guess I still do.

I visit it sometimes.

The signals and signposts are there.

I just leave—and have to keep
Coming
Back:

My Sweet Lord
George Harrison.
~~~
So now what?
What are you,
What are we
Going to do?

It’s never too late—
To practice.

Fall down?
Get up.

Feel sad?

Let it be.
Bless it.
Lean
Into 
Happiness.

Feel lonely?

Bless that 
Feeling.

Pray for another.

Look around.
The miracle 
Is
Right 
There,

Waiting,
WAITING
To be
Seen.

Bless you,
Bless us,
All.

May we see what is.
May we see past
Our own limitations.

May we see the
Blessings.

Om shanti—
Aruni

A Quiet Moment

by

A Quiet Moment


This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

Hey, dear friends:

It is a quiet moment
Over here.

No topic
Is
Screaming
For 
My
Attention.

No
Wild
Insight
Is 
Hollering
To be
Unraveled.

Are you tired?

I am 
So
Very
Tired.

Pandemic
Exhaustion?

Who
Knows.

Oh, wait.
Is the
Pandemic
Over?

What’s the
Next
Budding
Crisis?

Are we
Exhausted
From
Watching
The
Unraveling
Of 
Things
That
Appeared
To 
Be
Un-Ravel-able?

From 
All
The 
Many 
Uncertainties?

And/or
Are
We
Just 
Getting
Older?

Just—getting
Older?

(I certainly am.)

~~~
This blog
Appears
To be
One
Of
Returning…

Returning
To
That
Which
Touched 
Me
Earlier,

Before.

When some
Of this
Shit
Was
Newer,

Breath-taking
In
A
Different
Way.

Now?

There
Is
Exhaustion.

Disbelief
Calls
For
Too
Much
Efforting.

~~~

First, I keep returning to this article from the Washington Post.
Can you locate yourself in it?

From the Washington Post, March 10, 2022—
Pandemic Life, Two Years Later: Where do You Fit In?

Read Here

~~~

Another returning; again and again in my head, I keep hearing lyrics from this song by Paul Simon, written 50 years ago:

Many’s the time I’ve been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I’ve often felt forsaken
And certainly misused
Oh, but I’m alright, I’m alright
I’m just weary to my bones…

~~~

Here is Paul Simon, performing the song, American Tune, in 1977, honoring President Jimmy Carter.  Yes, I posted this before.  I imagine I will post this again.

I believe that this might be life’s best song, ridiculously relevant for 2022, even though it was written in 1973, FIFTY years ago:

~~~
And the lyrics, too, are worth repeating.

An American Tune

Many’s the time I’ve been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I’ve often felt forsaken
And certainly misused
Oh, but I’m alright, I’m alright
I’m just weary to my bones
Still, you don’t expect to be bright and bon vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home

And I don’t know a soul who’s not been battered
I don’t have a friend who feels at ease
I don’t know a dream that’s not been shattered
Or driven to its knees

But it’s alright, it’s alright
For we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the
Road we’re traveling on
I wonder what’s gone wrong
I can’t help it, I wonder what has gone wrong

And I dreamed I was dying
I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me
Smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying
And high up above my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty
Sailing away to sea
And I dreamed I was flying
We come on the ship they call The Mayflower
We come on the ship that sailed the moon

We come in the age’s most uncertain hours
And sing an American tune
Oh, and it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
You can’t be forever blessed
Still, tomorrow’s going to be another working day
And I’m trying to get some rest
That’s all I’m trying to get some rest
~~~

One more return—Listen to this again!  Please!!

I must offer again this glorious celebration by Playing for Change:

Peace Train by Cat Stevens/ Yusuf

 

~~~

Here is what Playing for Change says about it:

“Peace Train” – Yusuf / Cat Stevens’ timeless anthem of hope and unity – was originally released on the classic album ‘Teaser and the Firecat’ in 1971 and was Stevens’ first US Top 10 hit, reaching number 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. 

This Song Around The World version features more than 25 musicians from 12 countries and unites Yusuf / Cat Stevens, singing and playing a beautiful white piano in a tranquil open-air setting in Istanbul, Turkey, with musicians such as five-time Grammy Award-winning blues/americana artist Keb’ Mo’; Grammy-nominated Senegalese artist Baaba Maal; Silkroad’s Rhiannon Giddens—also a Grammy Award winner; Ghassan Birumi playing the oud in Ramallah, Palestine; musicians from the Silkroad Ensemble in Rhinebeck, New York; Pat Simmons (The Doobie Brothers) and James “Hutch” Hutchinson (bass player with Bonnie Raitt) performing in Maui, Hawaii; and bringing together conflict regions with Tushar Lall playing the harmonium in Delhi, India, and Joshua Amjad playing the Kartaal in Karachi, Pakistan.”

~~~

Dear Friends,

Swami Kripalu
Said,

The whole world
Is
One
Family.

He also 
Taught
That 
The
Key
To our
Hearts
Lives
In
The 
Hearts 
Of
Others.

Please—
Show us
The
Way.

Blessings,
Aruni

Time to Relax? 

by

Time to Relax?

How about Now?

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

My capacity for relaxation took all kinds of strange and wacky turns when the Pandemic sent us all to our rooms, in 2020.

Somehow the intensity of It All, the Not Knowing, drove me toward into the awaiting arms of streaming—movies, series, specials.  Mostly anything passed through my streaming devices.  Forgive me, discretion was not a strong virtue back then.  It all seemed justified.

At the end of these suddenly different days of staying home/being home/working from home/living alone/, climbing into bed with Netflix was my relaxation.

Netflix, my monogamous partner, became the bearer of so much, of so many options.

Yet eventually this relationship morphed into others—well, let’s see, oh, yes, first it was HBO Max, filled with even edgier options, then eventually, Amazon Prime.

And so it went.

Once Niki the Dog joined me, hopping into bed for “relaxation” got earlier and earlier. 

After dinner, 6:30-ish, we hustled ourselves upstairs to the bedroom/viewing center of our lives.

My choices for viewing were always a bit edgy.

These times have
Intensified
My longing
For
The
Edgy.

Yes,
I
Like
The
Edgy.

I confess.
~~~
Those early
Pandemic days,
That was a while ago.

It was okay,
This streaming
Relaxation,
For a while.

It’s less
Okay
Now.

I realized this
Again,

More deeply,

Last night
When I
Binge-
Watched

Trainwreck,
Woodstock 1999,

And
Then
Decided 
To
Watch
The
Final episode
In
Bed
Before
Sleep.

Which,
By
The
Way,

Didn’t
Come
Easily
After
The
Edginess
Of 1999.

Oye.
~~~
The time
Is
Now.

To rope
It in.

Relaxation?
Remember?

Relaxation
Is for
The 
Body,

Not just
The
Mind.
~~~
I was a 
TV
Kid.

I LOVED
Watching,

Dropping into
A
New
Reality
For
30
Minutes.

Sargent Preston
And King of the Yukon!

The Twilight Zone!

It was
The
Doorway
To
My
First
Addiction,

Fantasy.
~~~
I
LOVED
Saturday
Matinees
With
Gladys,  

Downtown,
Following
Lunch
At
The 
Char-Mont,

With the
Old
Ladies
With
Blue
Hair.

Edgy movies!

Whatever Happened
To Baby Jane?

Hush-Hush
Sweet Charlotte!

You get
My
Leaning?
~~~
The question
For us, 
I
Believe
Is:

What relaxes 
My body?

What relaxes
Your body?

I’m here
To say,

Not
Trainwreck, 
Woodstock 1999.

At 9:30
P.M.
~~~
What relaxes 
My body?

Bike riding.

Gentle
Stretching.

Yoga
Nidra.

Lovely
Baths.

Touch.

Massage.

Music.

OH!!

Music.
~~~

Check it out, it’s pretty obvious but nevertheless, interesting:

Music as a Health and Relaxation Aid, from verywellmind.com

Read Here

~~~
This song has the distinction of being “the world’s most relaxing song”.  What do you think?

Weightless

~~~
Please join me in a meditation on relaxation, which I recorded in June of 2021, right when we were beginning to come back out into the world, well, sort of:

The Time is Now—To Relax

Listen Here
~~~
The most comforting,
Relaxing,
Solace-offering
Thing
Of
My
Childhood

Was to
Hold
My
Guitar
Close
To my 
Little-girl
Body

And
To
Feel
The notes,
The
Music
Inside 
My
Belly,

Inside
Of 
Me.

I choose
To
Return
To
That practice
To
Relax.

And what about you,
Dear Friends.

What relaxes you?

What do you choose
For your body
And
For
Your
Mind?

Be safe 
And
Well—

One thing,
One breath,
One moment
At a time.

All blessings,
Aruni

“Captive on the Carousel of Time…”*

by

“Captive on the Carousel of Time…”*

This blog post is also available on my Facebook page to make sharing it with friends and family easy for you to do.

Hey, folks.

Where did
Today,
Thursday,
Come
From?

Yep.

It’s Thursday—
I just checked.

It is my 
Write-now-or-freak-yourself-out
Day.

Between
Getting older
And
The 
Pandemic
Messing
With
Time,

I find
Myself 
Occasionally
And
Somewhat
Lost in space.

Time-wise,
That is.
~~~
How can it be
That I am
The
Age
That
I 
Am?

How
Can
It be
That my
Sister
Continues
To
Be
Four
Years 
Older, 

Pushing a
Really
Terrifying
Decade,

Even
Scarier
Than
This 
One?

(Seventy
Is
Wonderful,
Freeing,
Horrifying,
Ridiculous…
And
So
On.)

Some 
Of
The
Time,

I feel
Twelve
Years
Old,
Wanting
To be
Loved
While
Willfully
Pushing
You
Wildly
Away.

Sometimes
I feel
127
Years
Old,

Achy
With
Dread,

Not
Recognizing
The
Smell
Of
My
Own
Body.

(Aging!  A trip, indeed.)

~~~
Mostly,
I 
Just
Keep 
Doing
What 
I do,

Practicing
What
I
Practice:
Abiding my
Inevitable
Imperfections,

Cracking 
Myself
Up 
From 
My
Doing-the-same-thing-over-and-over,
Expecting
Different
Results.

Mostly,
But not
Always,

Resting
In my
Own
Arms,

No
Matter
Their
Lack
Of 
Anything
Resembling
Muscle 
Tone.

Mostly.
~~~
Joni Mitchell!  She got old. And sick.
How I loved her then.  
And now.
Seeing her at the Newport Folk Festival this year was profound for me. 
She is 78, survivor of intense physical challenges, first time performing in almost a decade.
Returning to Newport for the first time since 1969.
That would be, I believe 53 years.

Here is her Circle Game, kind of relevant for my thoughts today, I do hope:

~~~
I fully enjoyed this interview with Joni and Brandi Carlile on CBS.  
Interesting, touching, a placing of me in time, somehow.

~~~
Somehow, 
I now think of Mary Oliver.

So beloved.

Gone now
From 
This
World
She
Helped
Us
Understand,

So able
To 
Show
Us
The
Beauty
In
The
Moment,

As it is.

Wild Geese
Mary Oliver Reading:

~~~
Announcing Our Place
In the family
Of 
Things…

Landing
Right here
Right now
In
Time
In
Space—

All the things
All the iterations of things
That
Have
Happened

Make us
Who
We 
Are
Now

Here and now.

Here and now.

All things,
Make us
Who
We
Are.

Announcing
Our place
In
The family
Of
Things.

~~~

Let’s end with Brandi, quite lovely:

Stay Gentle…Somewhere Over the Rainbow

~~~
Be safe and well,
Dear friends.

All blessings,
Aruni

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