Self-Acceptance Rather than Self-Improvement
I continue to age.
What a silly opening sentence. Okay, obviously we are all aging. Over a certain age, however, the impact, the flavor, the tactile changes that aging brings are more distinct, more in-one’s-face.
I’m living into my body changes, my energy changes in this, my 77th year circling the sun. Some days are easier than others, some moments, easier than others. And I’m practicing.
However, what I’m thinking about today is this hidden boon, this blessing of my aging. Here it is:
I’m too tired!
I’m too tired to push in the same way. My expectations of myself are much more reasonable than in the past.
In yesteryear, I was a busy camper, trying to be the BEST LITTLE _____. Fill in the blank.
The best little sober kid.
The best lesbian feminist.
The best spiritual disciple.
The best Kripalu teacher.
Because then—then—THEN:
YOU WOULD LOVE ME.
What was spirituality, I imagined, but a series of goals to obtain, to get hold of, and to lock into my psyche, my personality, my being?
I exhausted myself. Truly, I did.
And it didn’t work!
Nope.
It doesn’t work like that.
I’ve landed much more securely into my own arms, it seems. Sometimes. Not all the time—this is me. Here I am. A billion years later.
~~~
Here is my hero, Pema Chodron, the beyond-wonderful Buddhist teacher, who plainly tells us:
“Loving kindness towards ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything.
It means we can still be crazy after all these years.
We can still be angry after all these years.
We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness.
The point is not to try to change ourselves.
It isn’t about throwing ourselves away and becoming something better.
It is about befriending who we are, right here and right now.”
Pema Chodron
Awakening Loving-Kindness
Ohhh, dear Pema. There it is. You so land it.
It isn’t about surgically removing the craziness, the anger, the jealousy. No, it’s about befriending these parts of ourselves. Softening around it. Relaxing into it. Allowing the old feelings to come, to go.
This journey is one of purification, detoxification of the old patterns, the lovingly and rigorously acknowledging, accepting the feelings and leaning away from them.
Dear. Dear. Pema. Thank you.
~~~
And folks, how about you? How do you relate to this topic?
What does self-acceptance look in your life? How does it support you?
Consider. And let me know.
~~~
Okay, here are two musical interludes for you this week. Because I must, because I am compelled—I must offer you:
Still Crazy after All These Years, as Paul Simon and Pema Chodron merge on topic. Here it is—it is a blast from the past, and so right-on, from his iconic 1991 Central Park concert:
To lighten up and kick up our heels, here are the folks from Playing for Change, with another goodie for our hearts:
~~~
Friends,
Let’s pray together—
Let’s request willingness
And courage
To take the next step,
The next breath,
The next action.
Help us to be present in the world
As it is,
Our world, as it is.
And from that place of awareness and acceptance,
May we lean toward inclusion,
Ease,
And trust.
May all beings benefit from our time together.
Blessings, all—
Aruni