“I am One and You are One….
And We are All Together One”*
Hello.
And how was your week?
There are probably 100++ triggers that spin me off, into the Illusion of Aloneness.
Want to hear a few that popped up in my week?
Bad news, of the personal nature.
Good news, ditto.
Possible news, of any nature.
These days, most syllables containing world/national news.
Scary medical things.
Feeling needy.
Feeling anxious.
Not knowing what’s going to happen…grrrrrrrr.
Feeling…….anything.
And so on.
I learned early-early on in my life, that I better do It myself,
(Whatever the It might be.)
My mother was super-beyond-competent.
She kept the whole solar system of our family unit in orbit:
Putting up the storm windows,
Taking them down.
Working in my dad’s corner grocery store.
Feeding us. Well.
Picking me up on Lackawanna Avenue after my guitar lesson.
Literally, keeping my dad alive.
And on
And on.
I learned silently that I better get my shit together,
Not ask for help,
Pretend I know how,
And keep moving.
I must say loudly:
Bless my mother,
Tillie Freidlin Futuronsky.
She kept the world spinning.
And loved me passionately,
In her way.
I thank the universe that I outlived my need for her to be different.
Our last years together were easier, softer.
I learned (silently) that I probably don’t know how.
I learned to never let anybody know that.
And to pretend I do.
And to do it alone.
These days, as a health issue clammers for my attention,
I see myself—
Trying to control the details.
Struggling to have a plan
Even when it isn’t time to have a plan.
(Damn it.)
I see myself,
Not reaching out to friends.
To my communities.
To my choir, as Maria Sirois the wonderful Positive Psychologist says,
Those who sing with me.
OH NO.
I’m scared.
Get outta my way.
I got this.
OH NO.
That 100-pound telephone.
I’m too tired.
OH NO.
I GOT THIS.
I’m here to officially announce—
I DO NOT GOT THIS.
This living in an aging body thing.
This living here, now, in the face of disregard for human goodness.
In the face of such blatant malevolence.
I DO NOT GOT THIS.
And I’m here.
~~~
What about you?
Do you GOT THIS?
When you go away, where do you go?
~~~
So, I got some scary news.
And I freaked out.
And I came home.
And I did 100 things.
And got mad.
And pushed away.
And kept pushing away.
And it didn’t work.
I woke up into another day.
And I did it differently.
I reached out.
And one reach-out—led—to another
Reach out.
And it is a different moment.
And a different day.
~~
This blog?
This is about needing each other.
The brilliance, the cosmic truth
Of our interconnectedness.
~~~
Think of Others
By Mahmoud Darwish*
As you prepare for your breakfast, think of others.
Don’t forget to feed the pigeons.
As you conduct your wars, think of others.
Don’t forget those who want peace.
As you pay your water bill, think of others.
Think of those who only have clouds to drink from.
As you go home, your own home, think of others.
Don’t forget those who live in tents.
As you sleep and count the planets, think of others there are
People who have no place to sleep.
As you liberate yourself with metaphors think of others,
Those who have lost their right to speak.
And as you think of distant others
Think of yourself and say,
“I wish I were a candle in the darkness.”
~~~
So perfect a poem for me today.
Yes! Let’s continue to be candles in the darkness.
I do believe we are just that.
Both alone and together.
~~~
Here is a song by Chaula Hope Fisher. A Kripalu woman, a sober woman, a powerful and annoying and strong and wild woman, she is no longer alive in her body. And yet, her music lives.
This is a call-and-response chant. I strongly invite you to sing along.
It helps. It truly helps.
~~~
Dear Friends—
May we practice being with what we are given.
May we relax into the moment,
When we can.
And when we aren’t able,
May we bless ourselves,
Relax,
Take a breath,
And lean back
Into the arms
Of
The
Grace.
With gratitude and love,
Aruni
May all beings benefit from our shared words.
~~~
* Mahmoud Darwish, Palestinian poet
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/mahmoud-darwish
*Song title and song by Chaula Hope Fisher.