I’m Getting Ready to Say One Word I Have Never Uttered Before in a Blog
Picture by Erika Crofut
You may think me compulsive,
Yet I confess—
I have in fact written a blog
Weekly for ten++ years.
The rhythm works for me.
Having
A few days off,
Sliding through
The beginnings of the new week,
Lovely.
By Wednesday,
I’m getting a little sweaty.
Topic?
Picture?
Picture/topic?
Topic/picture?
I must start writing.
I must,
Or Thursdays
Become
Uncomfortable.
I ponder and ponder.
I don’t
And then
I do—
I write and write
And love it and
Don’t love it
And do it
And redo it.
I ADORE THIS PART.
It’s a falling in love.
It’s a birthing.
It’s a hearing what
I didn’t know
That I knew
It’s an
Emerging.
It’s my
Practice.
Then off to Jason
It goes,
The Wizard
Behind the Screen,
By Friday.
In all those weeks,
In all those years,
In all that time,
In all those words,
There is one word.
ONE WORD.
That I have never uttered.
Would you like
To guess?
Guess before you
Read on.
~~~
And the one word is:
God.
I fondly call it,
“The G-Word.”
I don’t use it when I teach,
Either.
In the pursuit
Of inclusivity,
I don’t want to
Push
Anybody
Away.
In this particular moment,
That does not
Matter to me.
I am not sure why.
I am saying the word:
GOD.
FEEL FREE TO SWAP IT OUT.
Substitute, Change,
Synonymize up a storm.
God/LifeForce would not care
If you do.
I believe that.
~~~
What does that word,
That concept
Mean to me?
There is something
Running the show.
It isn’t me.
There is something
Available
To lend support—
An energetic partner.
I’m not alone.
OH!
By the way,
I forget all of this
Consistently.
My relationship
With this,
My
Energetic
Partner?
I remember.
I forget.
I remember.
I forget.
I soften.
I let go.
I almost surrender.
Then,
I take it all back.
And try running
The Show Again.
It never works
Very well,
Thinking
I am in charge.
For me,
It’s about
Right relationship
To Reality.
AH!
The human dilemma.
~~~
Please consider
This profound quote
From 12 Step literature:
EITHER GOD IS EVERYTHING,
OR GOD IS NOTHING.**
Again, swap out
The darn word
If it bugs you.
Substitute it.
Do whatever you
Need to do
To keep in
This conversation.
This relationship?
This energy?
This Creative Intelligence?
It’s not a conditional
Relationship.
I am positive—
POSITIVE
Every time I watch the
Morning light
Creep over the mountain,
That there is something
Glorious
Running
The
Show.
POSITIVE.
Every time I watch the
Birds at the feeder.
Mrs. Cardinal,
Her bright red nose.
Mr. Cardinal,
His profound red
Against the white snow,
I AM POSITIVE
Something
Exists
Bigger
Than
My willpower.
I am positive
As I consider
The blessings
In my life,
(Trust me on this),
I did not
Create them.
And then there is
The wider picture.
Our cultural/political moment?
The suffering on the planet?
How do I reconcile
The suffering
On the planet
With this
Concept
Of a
Higher
Intelligence.
For today,
I must keep it
Super-Simple.
I don’t know.
I believe deeply that
By touching into
My own suffering
I become available
To be there for others.
If there is Higher Power,
There is.
Period.
Conversation
Over.
I appreciate this quote,
Because it speaks to
My understanding
Of yoga.
We are All One.
It is All One.
Period.
~~~
And you,
Dear Reader,
Where do you land
In this conversation?
What is true
For you?
How do you
Practice
Right-sized
Relationship
To
Reality?
~~~
Here is Joan Baez. My hero.
Here she is at her 75th birthday celebration, six years ago.
This is a lovely and deep song by Steve Earle.
I’ve included the lyrics.
Lyrics—Well-said.
Song—Well-sung.
Indeed.
Lyrics:
I believe in prophecy.
Some folks see things not everybody can see.
And, once in a while, they pass the secret along to you and me.
And I believe in miracles.
Something sacred burning in every bush and tree.
We can all learn to sing the songs the angels sing.
Yeah, I believe in God, and God ain’t me.
I’ve traveled around the world,
Stood on mighty mountains and gazed across the wilderness
Never seen a line in the sand or a diamond in the dust.
And as our fate unfurls……
Every day that passes I’m sure about a little bit less.
Even my money keeps telling me it’s God I need to trust.
And I believe in God, but God ain’t us.
God, in my little understanding, don’t care what name I call
Whether or not I believe doesn’t matter at all.
I receive the blessings
That every day on Earth’s another chance to get it right.
Let this little light of mine shine and rage against the night
Just another lesson.
Maybe someone’s watching and wondering what I got
Maybe this is why I’m here on Earth, and maybe not
But I believe in God, and God is God.
~~
Dear Friends,
We are not in charge.
We participate.
We are not alone.
There is
Protection.
There is
Care.
Whether we know it.
Whether we don’t.
Let us together
Request
Courage
To do the next
Best thing.
Let us request
Willingness
To let go
Of the outcome.
Let us request
Softness
To open our hearts
To the moment.
May all beings benefit
From our shared words.
All blessings,
Aruni
~~~
**Quote from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
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