I’m Not Feeling It—But It’s Happening Anyway

I’m Not Feeling It—But It’s Happening Anyway

 

Hey, Aruni.
Want to check in?
Well, thanks for asking.

I feel fuzzy.
Slightly internally shaky.
Not quite numb—
Just checked out a bit
And a tad,
Just a tad
Edgy.

And you know what?
About how I feel?

So what?
So f___ing what?

It doesn’t even matter what I am feeling
Because we are surrounded by good news.

Here’s the news:

There is protection.
There is care.

Whether I feel it
Or not.

No matter what is happening
Or not.

There is protection.
There is care.

It is here.
It is available.

Sometimes I feel it—and 
That’s good.
Sometimes I don’t.
And that’s fine, too.

Nevertheless,
We are guided.

Nevertheless,
There is support.

Nevertheless, 
All unfolds anyway.

Protection.
And.
Care.

Thank you,
Life.

Thank you,
Wood nymphs.

Thank you,
Buddha and Jesus
And Moses
And Mother.

And the tiny mosquitos flying around my head.
And the white egret in the wetland.
And dear St. Francis.

Thank you
For being
With us.
~~~
Here’s my plan:

To practice.
That’s all.
Just—to practice.

No matter what is happening around me
No matter what is happening inside of me,
To remember
It is okay.

And when I forget it’s okay?
Like, every 30 seconds or so…
I will breathe
I will relax
I will lean into the truth, which is:

PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN,
FULLY GRANTED.

No matter how long
My forgetting lasts,
Whenever I am able,
That is the 
Perfect moment,
To come back home.

I pray for the courage
For me,
For you,
For us,
All—

To bear our own humanity.

I pray for the willingness
For me,
For you,
For us
All—

To practice.
To let it be okay.
To let ourselves be okay.

And to keep going,
One step,
One breath,
One moment
At a time.

Om.
Shanti.
Peace.
~~~
I don’t have access to many words today. I’m going to cut to the chase.  Shifting gears toward JOYOUS, because we deserve that.  Here is a beyond-joyous clip, like, beyond-deliciously-joyous.  Check out Paul Simon and Ladysmith Black Mambazo, from the Hyde Park concert in 2017.:

~~~
Dear Friends,

Strong back.
Soft front.

Strength to carry us forward.
Softness to open our hearts to ourselves
To each other.
May our backs be strong,
As they are able.

May our hearts be open,
When that is possible.

May all beings benefit from our time together.

With heart,
Aruni

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