Shedding Skins*
I remember exactly where I was sitting.
I remember exactly the room
In which I was sitting.
In great detail.
It was
One day,
One rich
And full
Day
At the beginning
Of my time
In the Kripalu Ashram.
Sitting on the floor
With many people around me,
Also, disciples,
Listening
To a senior
Community
Member
Teach.
Feeling anxious.
Slightly sweaty.
Hoping it wasn’t obvious.
Attempting to fit in.
Wanting to understand.
Trying hard to—
To—do—what?
Trying hard
To
Be
Spiritual?
The speaker,
A super-yogi—
Clearly
As
Spiritual
As
All
Get
Go.
Thin.
Focused.
Intense.
Present.
He, Shobhan, Richard Faulds,
Paused,
Took a breath,
Looked around at us,
And said:
These words!
They
Startled
Me
Awake.
Awake from what?
Perhaps my stupor
Of
Over-indulgent
Self-consciousness?
I didn’t
Really know
What these words
Meant.
Actually,
I had
Zero
Clue.
Yet they
Woke
Me
Up.
They sat me up.
They quieted me down.
They opened me up.
And I have never
Ever
Forgotten
That moment
Or
The
Words
That filled it,
Shobhan’s
Perfect
Precise
Profound
Explanation.
~~~
As the years,
The days,
As time
And
Moments
Pass,
I practice.
I practice believing
Life gives me
Exactly what I need
To trigger,
To shake up,
To bring
To the surface
These obstacles—
My
Obstacles
That block me
From being
Fully alive.
They are triggered
FOR MY HEALING.
(Name an obstacle, Aruni.
Okay.
My self-centered fear.)
As I ever so slowly
Ever so gently,
Ever
So
Patiently
Befriend it.
Relax into it.
Shake hands with it,
(thanks, Pema),
I remember—
This is not new fear coming in.
This is the release,
The purification,
The detoxification
Of old fear.
I breathe,
I relax.
I release.
I let go.
I heal.
~~~
Here is a song that magically came to me. Thank you, Ellis B.
By Fia Forsstrom, Swedish singer-songwriter of tender strength.
Shedding Skins:
~~~
Lyrics:
I am open
I am free and my life is breathing me,
as I surrender to the will of the Divine.
No more stories of the past,
I am shedding skins at last,
and I realize I’m already in Heaven.
The moment I stop running from the demons in my head
and instead I choose to love them,
When saying yes to life
of shadow and light
my suffering is done and I come alive.
I am born and I will die
by each breath of final sigh,
It doesn’t matter where I go, I cannot hide.
But when I find my sense of peace
I can walk through Hell with ease,
I might fall a thousand times
but I shall rise.
And the moment I stop running from the demons in my head
and instead I choose to love them,
When saying yes to life
both shadow and light,
my suffering is done and I come alive.
I want to feel it all
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
saying Here I am, can you see me?
Oh, I am beautiful and fucked up,
in the most glorious way
When standing in my truth, who cares what people say
‘Cause moment we stop running from the demons in our heads
and instead we choose to love them
When saying yes to life both shadow and light oh,
our suffering is done and we come alive.
~~~
Dear Friends,
May we
Be healthy.
May we
Be present.
May we
Ride
The
Waves
Of
Our
Lives.
May we
Live in peace,
No matter
What
We
Are
Given.
Stay blessed,
Aruni
* Title and Song by Fia Forsstrom