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And for All of It…..

by

And for All of It…..


May We Lean toward Gratitude

If I could click my heels together and magically rewind us backward six months, oh, in an instant, I would.

If I could click my heels together and magically rewind us,
Imagine
The losses reversed,
The pain released,
The families reunited,
The stability renewed.

If I could click my heels together and magically rewind us….
If I could.
Oh.
If I could.

And yet, magical thinking is not a spiritual practice.
Spiritual practice, mindful living invites us into a relationship with life as it is.

As it is.

I was participating in my 7:00 a.m. Twelve Step Zoom meeting the other morning and I had an epiphany.
Almost physical, it rushed through me, this insight, this knowing.

Some background; this morning group came into my life during these last months of lockdown.  Previously, of course, meetings were in-person.  (Remember in-person things?)  This is a 12 Step group based in Maine complete with wonderful, recovering mensches, (a Yiddish word meaning a person of integrity and honor).  I have found a home there, a few mornings a week.  The meeting has been a game-changer for me.  I feel more connected, more on a learning curve, more alive with a new group of peeps.

The other morning, somebody was sharing and said, “Oh, won’t it be good when we return to our in-person format and sit together again.”

My heart constricted.

I will never be sitting with those people
In a meeting room
In a church
Somewhere.

I am hundreds of miles away.

After that constriction of loss,
Came a breath,
And after that breath
Came in insight:

I realized the gift
Of being
With these
Wonderful
People
Came to me
Wrapped in this hideous, horrifying, terrifying
Lockdown.

A gift of the pandemic.
A gift in the midst of
The loss
Of life
And income
Of reality
As we know it.

In the midst of that heartbreak, there lives the gift.

Spiritual practice, mindful living invites us into a relationship with life as it is.
Gratitude softens.
Gratitude opens the door.
Gratitude, like on the yoga mat,
Relaxes us into the moment
In the flow state.

It is
The easier, softer way.

The intent of gratitude is not to transcend above the feelings or the moment.
It is to give us the courage and the willingness to face the moment.
To relax
Into
The
Moment,

To remind ourselves
Of what is,

To invite
More
Grace
To
Flood
Us.

~~~

Wise-Woman Oprah W. says:

“Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough.”

~~~

Focusing on what is
Opens the door
To more.

Focusing on what isn’t
Blocks our channel.

Let us practice
Seeing
What is.

Let us
Imagine
The gifts
Emerging.

Let us be
Right
Here
And
Right now
As best
We can.

~~~

Friends, there are so many fascinating articles documenting the research done on gratitude and the brain.  Here is one insightful article about the impact of gratitude on the brain, from the magazine, Mindful.  If you are interested, Mr. and Mrs. Google can support your investigation.

https://www.mindful.org/what-the-brain-reveals-about-gratitude/

And, a gift for our hearts, a short film by Louie Schwartzberg, Gratitude.

~
Dear Friends, be safe, be well.
With gratitude for what was.

With gratitude for what is.

With hope for what might be,

Aruni

~~~

ANNOUNCEMENTS

  • Wisdom Circles—
  1. Create community; connect to yourself, to one another, and to the teachings.  You are not alone. For the month of August, our circles will be held on Thursdays.  Here is the link:
    Thursday, August 27, @ 2:00 EST  http://coacharuni.com/thursdaycircles/

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pandemically Speaking…….

by

Pandemically Speaking…….


What the F is Self-Care?

“The sneaky and myriad ways I withhold love from myself……..”

I was three-quarters resting with my eyes opened, mostly/somewhat participating in my 7:00 a.m. zoom 12 Step meeting, when these words penetrated the fog of my being.  I swear, I sat upright, looked around, held my breath.

The sneaky and myriad ways I withhold love from myself!

Who said that?
Who knows me so well?
Another participant,
Of course.

I will add, I believe our tendency of self-withhold is exacerbated by this unprecedented (there’s that damn word again) situation we are in.

Pandemically speaking, that is.

Exaggerated.
Magnified.
Intensified.

The blocks that keep me from taking care of myself intensified—and intensified—during these past months.  Spending time alone, lost behind my own fear, clouded with anxiety about the future, lack of regular structure……as externals changed, as things continue daily to unravel…….

A perfect storm.

Self-care?

Self-care pandemically, speaking for me, does not mean a rigorous workout plan.
It just cannot.
I cannot.

It cannot mean for me clean and sparkly riverbanks of whole food.
It just cannot.
I cannot.

But it can mean—it must mean—
Kindness.
Me to me.

What brings me solace?
What comforts?
–
When I was a little girl growing up in the 1950’s in Northeastern Pennsylvania, disguised to myself as a child, with my speech impediment hobbling me, wanting to kiss Natalie Wood (all the time, one giant and never-ending kiss), I knew the answer to all of my problems.

I knew the answer.

I was positive that
Becoming a cowboy
Would make
It
All
Okay.

Thinking cowboy,
I coerced my parents into guitar lessons.

My first guitar was a rental,
Made
From an
Undefined
Wood-like
Perhaps-plastic-like
Material.

It had
Stenciled
Upon it
A
Cowboy
On
A
Bucking
Bronco.

Oh!

It rocked.

How I held that guitar close to me.

She comforted me.
She brought me solace.
She eased my frightened heart.

By holding her close,
By her association,
I rocked,
Too.

And I played
And
Played.

Never successfully for others,
Anxiety too-too
Strong,
Its own rhythm.

But for me,
With me,
About me,
How I played.

Probably nothing
Has been
So about me
In my life
As playing
The guitar.

Then
At 17,
I stopped.
I
Just stopped.
Cold turkey.

Why?
Too much?
Too much what?
Pleasure?
Expectation?
Anxiety?
College?

Who knows.

Life continued,
As
It
Does.

Throughout,
In
And
Out,
And
During
Different facets,
Phases,
Iterations
Of my life,
I would
Play
My
Guitar.

Wildly and gloriously
For a few months,
Weeping
With
Joy.

And then
I would stop.

In last year’s
Iteration
Of
My
Life
(2019?  I wonder who I thought I was then?)
I took classical guitar lessons,
A silent, forever-desire of mine.

Life gave me the perfect teacher,
A kind and funny Englishman.
A recovering hippy/folk music dude
Like myself.

I adored it.
It was
Both
An old,
Ancient
And
Deep knowing,

And new!
All new!
Strumming and picking,
All different.

Elegant and efficient,
This
Ancient system
Of creating
Beauty
With
Sound.

And then
There was
A pandemic.

And then
I developed
A trigger-finger.

(left hand, ring finger, anular, in classical guitar parlance—same finger as my mom’s trigger-finger, hum.)

And then
I stopped.

I just stopped
Giving myself
This kindness
This solace.

My guitar sits here.

Simply living with her
Is a comfort.

(Isn’t she beautiful?  Check her out.  What a looker.)

Oh!
How I want to hold her.
OH,
How she wants me to do that.

The sneaky and myriad ways I withhold love from myself!

Amrit Desai, our former Kripalu guru, used to talk about bliss tolerance level, a brilliant term.

Is it just too much pleasure?
What would happen
If we gave ourselves
What we want,
What we need?
What would happen
If we blessed ourselves
With consistent,
Tiny
Yet
Massive
Actions
Of
Kindness?

I must say, in my own behalf, that I am doing well enough with self-care; I’ve initiated rituals, consistent prayer, walking daily, zooming Twelve Step meetings, fully savoring the making of my bed (hard to explain the joy of this), eating well enough, mostly.

But,
Oh,
How
The
Child
In me
Longs,
Aches,
To hold
That
Guitar.

We’ll find
Our way
Back
To
Each
Other,
She
And
I.

We
Always
Do.

~~~
Six months ago, I would have talked long and hard about five pillars of self-care.  (nutrition, movement, stress-reduction, sleep, connection).  Today, I talk about kindness.

Some simple considerations for your self-care, pandemically speaking:

  • Chunk down your expectations.
  • Keep it super simple.
  • Consistency works.  Repetition works.
  • Kindness is the way to go.  Think kindness.
  • Rigor is part of the formula.  Rigor, commitment, and kindness.
  • Practice is watching, without judgment, gathering data.
  • Not offering yourself self-care is part of self-care—so much to learn about ourselves in the forgetting as well as in the remembering.
  • And, remember, accepting your lack of practice is THE PRACTICE!

What is the kindest, simplest gift you can give yourself, with ritual and consistency?  What would self-care in this moment look like for you, today?

~~~
Dear Friends, please consider.  Let me know.  What kindness, what simple gift of care can you give yourself?  Speaking it aloud, emailing another, always deepens practice.  I am right here, supporting you as you support me.

All blessings,
Aruni

~~~

On another note, to honor the possibilities that are alive today here is Keb’ Mo’, amazing blues singer and guitarist, with Rosanne Cash, offering us his song, Put a Woman in Charge.

~~~

ANNOUNCEMENTS—

  • Wisdom Circles—

Create community; connect to yourself, to one another and to the teachings.  You are not alone. For the month of August, our circles will be held on Thursdays.  Here is the link:

Thursday, August 20, @ 2:00 EST  http://coacharuni.com/thursdaycircles/

Not Much

by

Not Much

Perhaps All We Need?

~~~

This verse says it all for me today:

I am looking for a poem that says Everything
So I don’t have to write
Anymore

By Tukaram, Indian mystic and saint, 1600’s

~~~

Dear Friends,

Not
A lot
Of
Words
Seem
Available
To me
This
Week.

Feelings
Surge,
Come
And
Go.

Up
And
Down.

Riding
The waves,
Pandemically
Speaking.

 

Flashes
Of
Goodness.

Valleys
Of
Anxiety.

Up
And
Down.

Thinking
Of
Children—

What
Is
Possibly
More
Unwavering
Than
September,
September
Going
Back
To
School?

Thinking
Of
Parents—

Hardest
Of
Hard
Decisions.
Hardest
Of
Impossible
choices.

Thinking
About
The
Word,
Unprecedented.

Which means:
Never
Known,
Never
Done
Before.

How many times
In these months
Did you hear
That word?

Thinking
About
Goodness,
The beauty
Around
Me.

Thinking
Of
All I do
To
Avoid
It.

Busy
Scanning
For
Separateness.

Thinking
About
Kids.

Thinking
About
These
Kids.

These
Kids
In
This
Video.

Please
Let
Them
Knock
At
Your hearts.

~~

And the most wonderful of teachers, Thomas Moore, scholar, theologian, teacher-of-heart.  How encouraging, how positive his words are, as they touch me today:

THESE TIMES ARE NOT NORMAL

“Liminality is a fascinating and rich word, difficult to define or describe, that points to an unusual situation when you feel you outside the normal. The word comes from the Latin “limen,” a threshold. Imagine standing in a doorway between two rooms. You aren’t in either room and so you might feel slightly disoriented.

You are not in normal time and space, and so maybe now extraordinary things can happen. Some say that the “veil is thin” in liminal circumstances, meaning that whatever separates us from the realm of the mysterious is no longer so thick and protective.

These days of Covid-19 have a liminal feel to them. We are not in normal life, and we may long for a return to the familiar. But there may be benefits to this time.  The veil is thin. We are all out of balance and may be open to special influence and new ideas. That is, as long as we are not defended against the liminality.

For all of its tragedy and challenge and suffering, I suggest looking at this time not as a wasted interruption of the normal but as a positive time of transformation……

Maybe you shouldn’t waste this opportunity, this special moment of liminality, to go through a life change and see things differently and make some resolutions. We are a generation marked by this invasion of the virus. It would be a shame if we saw it only as negative.

Just as a person recently diagnosed with cancer has to see himself elected to be special and allow personal transformation to happen, we, too, have to be strong and imaginative. We, the generation of the corona, are not only cursed with this burden, we are blessed with its possibilities.

Corona means crown. We wear a crown that represents our time, a high standing, power, authority, accomplishment. We are corona people given a rare opportunity to be transformed remarkably into caring, global, health-minded, generous, earth-loving people.”

~~~

Dear Friends,

Corona means crown, says Thomas.  

We wear a crown.  

May our children be safe.  

May the world they inherit be wonderous.  

May justice and equity be their birthright.

May beauty and goodness flourish.

Be well, be safe. 

One step,

Just

One step

At a time.

Blessings,

Aruni

~~~

ANNOUNCEMENTS—

  • Contact—

My new address is thecoacharuni@gmail.com.   Please make changes to your contact folders.

  • Wisdom Circles—

Create community; connect to yourself, to one another and to the teachings.  You are not alone. For the month of August, our circles will be held only once-a-week, on Thursdays.  Here is the link:

Thursday, August 13, @ 2:00 EST  http://coacharuni.com/thursdaycircles/

Living into Dharma

by

Living into Dharma


Me

IF you knew me,
If you
Really,
Really 
Knew
Me,

You 
Would know
That
Girl Scout 
Camp
Archbald
Probably
Saved 
My life.

Summer
After summer,
I was given
Full permission
To be
My
Idiosyncratic
Self.

I flourished.

I shined.

If you knew me,
If you 
Really,
Really
Knew me,

You would know
That I had
Monogamous
And 
Committed
Crushes 
On counselors.

Of course, I did!

Miss Uns,
My counselor
When
I was ten,
Was blond
And
More-than-Magnificent
In
My
Eyes.

She
Went to
Penn State,
Which 
Was
Just
Another
Word 
For
Mount 
Olympus.

She was 
All-beauty,
All-competency,
All-possibility.

After our cookout
One hot
Summer
Day,
She gathered us
Around the 
Fading campfire,
Half-raw hotdog
Grumbling in my
Belly.

How we listened,
How I listened
To her
Every syllable.

And she said:
(This is a direct quote, 62 years later still alive in my body)

Ladies
(they always called us ladies)
Ladies,
Leave
The campsite
Better than you 
Found it.

Every cell
In my 
Ten-year-old
Body
Knew,
Absolutely
Knew
The 
TRUTH
She 
Spoke.

I just had
No idea
What it meant,
What it might 
Look like.

But I
Felt
Its
Depth
In
Me.

I cleaned off the rocks,
I 
Dusted away the leaves.

I used my little girl sneaker
To smooth out
The earth.

I organized our woodpile
In uneven attempts at order.

What a lifetime
Of
Earnestness
For that
Little girl,
For 
This
Aging 
Woman.

The day ended,
The summer faded
Into another
School year
Into
Another 
And another.

Leave the campsite
Better
Than
You
Found
It.

And I have
Spent
My life
Doing,
Making,
Attempting
To impact
The campsite
Of the moment.

I joined the
Peace Corps.

I worked
In an
Inner City
High school
Forever.

I even
Joined
An ashram,
To my Jewish
Parents
Sheer
And
Unabashed
Horror.

(What about my teaching pension, my appalled father asked?  A good question for today!)

I committed.
I was,
I am
Committed

To be
Part 
Of the solution.

Only now
A thousand years
After that
Little girl
Tummy rumbling
From a hotdog
That fell
Into the fire,
Uncooked,
But 
Nevertheless
Yummy,
Only now
I realize
It is enough
Already
With 
All
The doing.

ENOUGH WITH ALL THE DOING.

It is time for being.

Our dharma
Lives in us.

We are it.

Our purpose 
Unfolds,
Increment
By increment,

Moment 
By moment.

I struggled
To find
My dharma!
To do it—
RIGHT!
To be—
Of service.

Today
Perhaps
I 
Can just
Live.

Right
Here,
Right 
Now,
With whom
I really am.

Perhaps that
Is
Enough.

~~~

My dear friend Kavi Stephen Cope and I came to the Kripalu ashram in the same month, same year.  We think.  But we can’t really remember.  We were always in the same study groups and were just simply always bonded.  A thousand years later, he stands as a ray of love and connection in my life.  

With respect for his brain-iac brilliance and his wonderful yogic heart, here is a ten-minute video of his.  Check out his clarity regarding dharma, living into our authentic purpose.  Spoiler alert—he does not mention Miss Uns once!

~~

Dear Friends,

And what do you notice about your purpose, your dharma?  When do you feel in sync with the flow of the universe?  When do you paddle against the current?  What are you learning about your work on the planet, the work of your heart, that which is inherent in you?  What is the pandemic teaching you?

Keep me posted—please.

All blessings,
Aruni

~~~
ANNOUNCEMENTS—

  • Savoring Life’s Lessons—Grief, Loss, and Renewal

The program is launching this week, please consider joining.  
https://kripalu.org/content/august-5-4-week-live-series-aruni-nan-futuronsky

  • Contact—

My new address is thecoacharuni@gmail.com.   Please make changes to your contact folders.

  • Wisdom Circles—

Create community; connect to yourself, to one another and to the teachings.  You are not alone. For the month of August, our circles will be held only once-a-week, on Thursdays.  Here is the link:

Thursday, August 6, @ 2:00 EST  http://coacharuni.com/thursdaycircles/

Follow the Drinking Gourd

by

Follow the Drinking Gourd

 

I did not want to go.

Once invited, I often do not want to go.  

Disguised to myself as an introvert,
I often
Do not
Want 
To…….

Ironic,
Now that
Home
Is where
I be.

Back to yesterday’s story—

After the invitation,
There was
Lots of rationalizing
Tapdancing
Inside my head—

But I had just been there
The day before.

But it’s is a 25-minute drive,
That is exhausting.

So what if it won’t be back for 6,700 years?

Then I considered:
6,700 years?

Have I learned 
Nothing
In this 
pandemic
About 
Seizing the moment?      

So 
I 
Made
A
Decision
To go.

It seemed
The right
Decision.

I still 
Did not
Want
To go.

Netflix
Seemed
A better 
Idea.

Nevertheless, I got in the car.

I made a decision.
Putting the car in reserve,
I sighed.

Once
Driving through
The glorious
Berkshire hills,
Noticing
The green,

Noticing
The life,

Noticing
The pulsating
Perfection
Of this summer,

I started cracking myself up:

Driving is Not a sacrifice!

I love driving.
I love driving 
On this
Sacred
Berkshire
Land.

People come here, 
From all over,
To drive
Through
These
Glorious
Berkshire
Hills.

In that exact moment
On East Road,
As I was 
Enjoying myself
With myself,

As I was
Laughing
At 
My
Silly
Humanity,

I realized
In my decision
To go
To be with her,

I could still be:

  • Bitchy.
  • Smirky.
  • Passive-aggressively
  • Victim-y
  • Silently annoyed
  • Arms
  • Energetically
  • Crossed.

In that exact moment
On East Road
Hugged by the hills
That I so love,
I made a 
Different
Decision.

Another decision.

I mindfully 
Chose to not
Sulk,

To not
be
Pissed,

To not be
Victim,
Separate
And 
Right.

I chose to
Solidify
My decision
With action,

With attitude
Shift,

With 
Commitment.

And it was wonderful.

Freed
From
My 
Own 
sulkiness.

Making a decision yet stuck in 
Old behavior
Does not work.

Making a decision,
Following it 
Through
By
Changing—
That works.

And
Then
It
Was 
Time
To track
The comet!

The sky dark and clear.

Stars glistening.

How to find it?

Ah!
The Big Dipper.

Follow
The
Dipper.

We drove
Northwest
(thank you, Subaru people, for my car’s brilliance.)

We
found
The
Perfect
Place,

And open field,
Unencumbered
By tree line. 
In
The 
Northwest
Sky

Following
The
Big Dipper,

Unmistakable
In the sky,

That 
Multi-starred
Constellation
We 
Learn 
To know.

Follow
The 
Dipper
Down.

Follow 
The 
Bottom
Star
Down.

And there 
It was.

Neowise.
The comet

Faint
And
Stunning
In 
The
Sky.

Here today,
Back again
in 6,700.

It was
Miraculous,
In the searching,
In the finding,
In the quiet
Profundity
Of the sky.

In the darkness,
In the gleam,
Its soft- streak
Was
Unmistakable. 

Lying in bed
That night
I found myself
humming
That old song,

That song
We would sing
At 
Camp,
Looking 
At 
The 
Night
Sky,

Follow
The
Drinking
Gourd

That folk song
Whose lyrics
Supposedly
Guided
The slaves
Toward
The underground Railroad,
Toward
Freedom,
Toward 
Safety.

That is how we
Found
The comet.

We followed
Something
Unmistakable.

We followed
Something
We trusted
Enough.

That’s
How
I found
Freedom
From
My old
Ancient
Narrative.

I followed
My decision
Into action.

May
We all
Follow
Our truth.

Follow the
Directions
The earth
Gives
Us.

May we learn
To listen,
Inside
And
Out.

~~~

For the bravery and the daring of John Lewis.
For the sacrifice of George Floyd 
and Breonna Taylor
And all the endless others,
The infinity of others.

For the systemic inequity,
Centuries-old,
In 
our
Country.

May we follow
What
We 
Know
To be true.

May we
Act
Upon 
It,
Making
It
So.

Declaring is just not enough.
Acting upon it,
Leaning into new directions,
New behavior,
That is the doorway to transformation.
And this is the time.

Black Lives Matter.
Black Lives Matter.
Black Lives Matter.

~~~

I was strangely soothed by the visuals in this, one image melting, blending, become the next; I was comforted.  I was touched.

~~

Dear Friends,

Be safe.  Be well.  As the moon begins to grow, may our hearts open.

May our bodies heal.

May our minds quiet.

May we recognize

Our Neighbors

As

Everyone.

All blessings,

Aruni

~~~

ANNOUNCEMENTS—

Savoring Life’s Lessons—Grief, Loss, and Renewal

https://kripalu.org/content/august-5-4-week-live-series-aruni-nan-futuronsky

Contact—
My new address is thecoacharuni@gmail.com.   Please make changes to your contact folders.

Please know that my website, www.coacharuni.com/blog has over 300 blogs there, reflections of the past few years.  Enjoy!

Wisdom Circles—
Create community; connect to yourself, to one another and to the teachings.  You are not alone.

This week’s Wisdom Circles are:

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